Florida School Board Reconsiders Plan To Allow Church Chaplains In School After The Satanic Temple Expresses Interest
Guess they only wanted certain kinds of church chaplains…
Iryna Inshyna | Shutterstock Florida has become one of the nationwide leaders in radical right-wing attempts to reshape public schools, with everything from book bans to the unconstitutional imposition of Christian religion onto students.
But one Florida school board is learning the hard way how religious freedom actually works in the United States after an unexpected religious institution turned its radicalism right back at them.
Osceola County Florida schools reconsidered their plans to have school church chaplains after the Satanic Temple expressed interest.
In April, Florida's radical Republican Governor and failed presidential candidate Ron DeSantis traveled to Osceola County to sign a new law allowing public schools in the state to use volunteer religious chaplains as guidance counselors for students.
Heralded by DeSantis and his supporters as a boon to students' mental health, the move provoked widespread criticism, including from the American Civil Liberties Union, because such a move is a clear violation of the separation of church and state outlined in the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment.
DeSantis, of course, disagreed, claiming that "when education in the United States first started, every school was a religious school. That was just part of it. Public schools were religious schools. There’s been things that have been done over the years that veered away from that original intent." Which is absolute hogwash, but whatever.
The Satanic Temple decided to fight fire with fire and troll Florida officials right back with a quick crash course on how the law actually works. And they did so just in time for Osceola County, the place where DeSantis proudly signed his new law with great fanfare, to vote on whether to move forward with the program.
The Satanic Temple sent a letter saying it was 'enthusiastic about the opportunity' to include its Ministers of Satan in Osceola County Schools.
First off: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. There's trolling, and then there's basically three-dimensional chess trolling, and this is the latter.
In a tweet, The Satanic Temple (TST) — an IRS-designated tax-exempt church which, it should be noted, does not even believe in the existence of Satan but rather stands for "benevolence and empathy" and the rejection of "tyrannical authority" — shared the letter it sent to Osceola County in advance of its vote.
In it, Executive Director of Operations Rachel Chambliss wrote that "while we believe that investing in licensed, professional counselors would be more beneficial for Osceola County's students, we are enthusiastic about the opportunity this policy presents for our Ministers of Satan, who are eager to build positive, supportive relationships with students and become an active part of the school community."
Chambliss went on to write that TST had reviewed the County's "proposed guidelines," which include a rule that any chaplain's beliefs are not considered "proselytization" by the school board — which, of course, would be illegal in a public school.
"This understanding ensures that TST's Ministers can offer guidance aligned with our Satanic beliefs of promoting reason and empathy while remaining fully compliant with the Board's rules," Chambliss wrote.
She added that TST had an "overwhelming" response from community members interested in becoming "Ministers of Satan" and "Satanic Chaplains" so that they can "actively [participate] in the Osceola community in the near future."
In other words, religion is religion under the laws of the United States of America, whether it's Christianity or The Satanic Temple. So what's good for the goose is good for the gander. And unsurprisingly, the school board did not decide to call TST's bluff.
The Osceola County school board voted 3-2 to not pursue the school church chaplain plan, citing First Amendment concerns.
It's not known for sure if The Satanic Temple's enthusiastic letter is what actually turned the tide, but the marked about-face the school board made on August 13, 2024, the very day TST's letter dropped, certainly makes it seem that way.
That evening, Osceola County schools voted 3-2 to remove the school church chaplain plan from the list of resolutions it was voting on for the upcoming 2024-2025 school year, citing concerns brought to them just before the meeting began.
"I need more time to make a decision," school board chair Heather Kahoun told those attending the meeting. "I haven't had an opportunity to think about these things, to think about the implications regarding the First Amendment, regarding federal litigation that we could receive if we were to approve this as it is today."
Translation: If they moved forward with the school church chaplain program, they would be forced to either include The Satanic Temple or become the defendant in a federal First Amendment lawsuit they would certainly lose (or, given the radicalization of our judicial system, at least very likely lose).
Conservative member of the Board Jon Arguello was furious with the decision, calling it "a very blatant and obvious sinking of a program that the governor came and started here." Which, of course, is exactly what it is, and for good reason since the program violates the U.S. Constitution.
For now, Osceola County says it may still move forward with the program at a later date but has given no information when that decision may come. And for his part, DeSantis seems to be spoiling for a fight. "That is not a religion," he said of The Satanic Temple in a press conference.
Unfortunately for DeSantis, he doesn't get to make that call. And he can likely rest assured that should he decide to push the issue further, TST will be happy to hash it out in court.
Because, at least for the time being, this is still America, and the Constitution that right-wing radicals like DeSantis claim to cherish with near-religious reverence is crystal clear: Religious freedom applies to all religions, not just Christianity, and that's exactly as the founding fathers intended.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.