Dad Upset After His Girlfriend Invites His Son's Bullies Over For A Sleepover With Her Son
He can't help but ask why his girlfriend's kid is friends with his son's bullies in the first place
Rawpixel.com/Shutterstock.com The trauma and effects of bullying can endures well into a child's adulthood or even all their lives.
And one worried dad's situation with his bullied son has left him in a quandary.
As he explained in his post on a parenting forum, he's struggling with how to manage a situation that has arisen between his live-in girlfriend, their kids, and his son's former bullies.
RELATED: Mom Says She Purposefully Shuns Her Son's Wife Because She Bullied Her Daughter In High School
The dad's girlfriend invited his son's bullies over for a birthday sleepover with her son.
The dad writes that the bullying his son suffered at school was so intense that he had to move his son to a different school.
The problem is that his girlfriend's son still goes to his son's old school—and her son is close friends with the bullies that terrorized his son.
His girlfriend's boy's birthday is coming up, and he writes that she "wants to have them over...for a sleepover."
He is adamant about this. "I do not want them in our home," he wrote, "but my [girlfriend] insists her son should not miss out."
The dad's son will be at his mother's house during the party, but he still doesn't think inviting the bullies over is appropriate.
The dad writes that "it still doesn't sit right with me," despite the fact his son won't be there.
He explains that aside from living together, he and his girlfriend share parenting responsibilities both with each other and with their children's other parents from their former relationships.
And he worries his son will feel betrayed when he finds out his bullies came to his stepbrother's birthday party.
"How will my son feel knowing they've been in his home?" he wonders. "He will say it's OK if I speak to him about it, but that's the way he is. Never wants to make a fuss, or cause any issues."
The dad also worries that he "could potentially have an issue with my son's mum if/when she finds out that these boys have been in my our home."
And given the profound impact the bullying had on his kid, he's uncomfortable with the bullies coming over on a personal level, too.
"I'm not sure how I will feel having these children in our home, knowing what they did to my son," he writes.
The dad's girlfriend says he is overreacting.
He writes that "the phrase that I keep being told is 'it's not all about your son,'" and he's being made to feel like he's taking it all too seriously.
But as the video below shows, bullying can have debilitating and lifelong impacts on everything from mental health to earning power.
Even so, he writes that he doesn't want to ruin his stepson's birthday party by objecting to his guests, and it's creating what feels to him like an impossible situation.
Most commenters were pretty firmly on the dad's side, and shared his dismay at the situation.
Many were deeply uncomfortable with the fact that the dad's girlfriend's son was friend's with a bunch of bullies in the first place.
"Why is your girlfriend's son close friends with a group of bullies?" one user asked. "I'd worry that there are bigger issues with this living arrangement."
"Gosh the dynamic between the two sons must be brilliant," another person wrote.
And many felt he must set a clear boundary where his son's bullies are concerned.
As one user put it, "if you establish the precedent these [bullies] can enter your home, they have literally crossed a boundary. Who's home is it? Is it yours? It would be a clear no from me."
Some even took the dad to task for even considering the question. "This doesn’t sound like run-of-the-mill bullying, this sounds very very serious," one person wrote.
"Your girlfriend doesn’t care. Her son doesn’t care. Why are you subjecting your son to this homelife?"
Experts say that an integral part of helping a bullied child cope and heal is showing them you're on their side.
Brock Hansen, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and author of "Shame and Anger: The Criticism Connection," recently told YourTango that it's vitally important to "understand, acknowledge, and stand up to bullying behavior in the family."
"Choosing not to be a passive observer is one way of taking a stand," he wrote, and he says standing up against bullying is key to helping kids recover.
"Standing up against bullying help[s] build a feeling of compassionate strength that helps the child feel stronger in their own self-image."
It sounds like this dad's instincts are absolutely the right ones.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.