Childless Woman Is Tired Of Her Coworker Talking About & Taking Time Off For Her Kids — 'You Chose To Have Kids So It's Not My Problem'
When she fainted in the parking lot, her coworker pointed out that it was a privilege to be pregnant.
Dean Drobot/Alex from the Rock / Shutterstock via Canva Friendships are delicate and need to be nurtured and cared for to maintain them. They start based on common interests and shared experiences, but as life goes on, friends can either grow apart or grow together.
One woman took to Reddit's "r/workingmoms" subreddit to share her disappointment when her coworker turned friend of 10 years started to "disrespect" her over her decision to become a mother.
She accused her childless coworker of disrespecting her motherhood.
The Redditor started by telling readers that she and the woman had met on the job a decade ago and both agreed that they had no interest in becoming parents and would remain childless. That all changed two years ago when she decided she wanted to be a mom saying, “Like a switch, my mind changed.”
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Photo: Reddit
She went on to say that though she has continued to support her coworker in her decision to never have children, the woman has not shown her the same grace.
As an example of the vitriol she gets from her friend she quoted her as saying, “Every time I even mention the baby it's like 'Well, you chose to have kids what do you expect' [or] 'Well, you'd have more money if you didn't have children' or 'Well, what did you expect? You're ill again. babies always have colds.'”
The new mom claims that when she was pregnant, she fainted at a park and her friend responded by telling her it was “just another blow for women” like her because they don’t have to privilege of calling in sick because they are not pregnant.
According to her, it seems like ever since she had her baby, her friend is no longer interested in what happens in her life.
Though she has the impulse to call the woman out, she holds back and continues to be respectful. She loves being a mother but is exhausted by the responses from someone she considered to be a supportive friend. The frustrated mom asked for advice on what she could be doing differently.
The first comment was upvoted over a thousand times and said, “It sounds like you are her friend, but she isn’t yours. It might be time to distance yourself from this ‘friendship.’” The poster admitted that she had been feeling that way for some time but was afraid to say it for fear of being blamed for the deterioration of the relationship.
Someone else offered a counterargument in support of the co-worker who had chosen to forego motherhood. They said, “There's another side to this nobody is addressing. Some people simply don't want to hear about certain topics and forcing those topics on them isn't okay.” They clarified that it could be any subject that was off-limits, not just children.
Apparently, there were some comments that chastised the Redditor for "venting" to her friend about her child as she felt the need to come back and edit the post for the “anti-children” people. She said that she was not the one who brought her baby up at work and that her coworker was always the initiator of the negative comments. She also alluded to being excluded from things due to her decision to be a mom.
As you get older, your friendships will inevitably shift and change. If one member of the relationship has kids first, you can maintain the connection by respecting that their life has changed, planning time with them in advance, being flexible, babysitting, and embracing child-friendly activities.
And for women who have childless friends, it’s important that you make sure you celebrate and pay attention to all aspects of their lives, too. Make sure the focus is not purely on children and motherhood. Friendships are like platonic marriages; they require maintenance and upkeep to make sure they are the best they can possibly be.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle and human-interest stories that share the readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion.