Man Wants To See Reciprocated Effort From His Girlfriend After She Expects Him To Pay For Everything
He believes his girlfriend should make more of an effort to cover expenses, but she sees his request as an insult.
Anastasia Nelen via Unsplash / Shen Stock and Billion Photos via Canva A man is seeking advice after butting heads with his girlfriend over finances.
The man claims that he is often the one in the relationship that covers expenses including dining and travel. Meanwhile, his girlfriend rarely volunteers to contribute and expects him to be the one paying for their activities most of the time.
The man wants his girlfriend to make more of an effort when it comes to covering their expenses.
Sharing his dilemma to the subreddit, r/realtionship_advice, the 34-year-old man explained that he and his 29-year-old girlfriend have been dating for nearly a year.
“At the beginning, we would make equal efforts to pay the bills whenever eating out,” the man wrote.
However now, he said his girlfriend has stopped offering to pay for anything, and often does not carry enough money on her when the two go out, leaving the man with no choice but to pay for both of them most of the time.
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Recently, he told his girlfriend that since they are in a partnership, he would like to start seeing her contributing to their bills more — which she took as an insult.
“She didn't like this. She said that she thought we had become a more intimate/closer couple,” the man wrote, admitting that he wasn’t entirely sure what she was offended by. “Sometimes when we go away I will cover everything, hotels, transport, food, the full lot,” he shared. “Sometimes I will let her know the cost of the hotel or travel for a half split, but I still maintained paying for all other costs like food and transportation costs without hesitation.”
He said his girlfriend makes him feel as if he is 'not doing enough' in their relationship, and he is at a loss.
“I am not prepared to pay 100% for everything, I would like to see her make more of an effort to contribute,” he wrote. “Even if I reject and still pay for it, at least I know that she's made an effort to want to, but I just don't see that at all.”
The man’s girlfriend accused him of “keeping tabs” on what she does and doesn’t pay for, and that it is unfair to her.
“I don't ask for a 50/50 split, but I also don't want a 100/0, I feel a middle ground would be better,” the man wrote. “However, I have always covered more expenses than her, considerably. So it's got to the point now where she's made me scared of not paying through this pressure.”
Photo: glegorly / Canva Pro
He explained that he does not come from a “wealthy background” and that his paycheck is only a tad higher than what his girlfriend earns.
“She has always said we can earn money together, but I don't know how I am meant to save money for a family one day, etc if I am made to pay for everything,” he added.
Other than their financial disagreements, the man said that they do not have any other problems in their relationship.
Most people agreed that he and his girlfriend should establish a middle ground when it comes to paying their bills.
“It's time for a serious discussion about managing finances in a long-term relationship,” one Redditor recommended. “It's never okay to assume that the guy would pay for everything, and if the guy chooses to pay, it should be his choice and not one he was coerced into making.”
“It should be 50/50. Enquire about why she only wants you to pay,” another user commented. “This is not someone I would want to be in a relationship with. It sounds like she’s using you and isn’t prioritizing you and the relationship if she doesn’t care enough to contribute to it.”
“Female here… financial compatibility is important. Don't proceed even if she's perfect in everything else,” another user wrote.
Disagreements regarding finances are a dilemma that many couples encounter.
According to a study from Credit Karma, over 40% of couples fight about money monthly, with one-third breaking up due to financial disagreements.
However, with open communication, couples can help prevent breakups or blow-out arguments over money from happening in the first place.
Brittany Wolff, founder of Wolff Financial in South Carolina, told Bloomberg News that couples should set aside time to regularly discuss finances and call it a “money date” where they could go over their budgets and plans.
Photo: Jacob Lund / Shutterstock
Splitting expenses in relationships promotes financial fairness and equality between partners, and reflects modern societal norms where both men and women contribute equally to household finances and responsibilities. Equally splitting bills also ensures that neither partner bears a disproportionate financial burden. It allows both individuals to maintain their financial stability and pursue their personal goals without being hindered by unequal financial contributions.
Ladies, there is nothing wrong with treating your man to a night out to dinner or offering to cover the hotel expenses during getaways! He’ll appreciate it more than you know.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.