5 Little Words That Can Save (Almost) Any Marriage
Couples get trapped in habits and forget how powerful our words can be.
Dean Drobot | Canva Remember, our words are powerful. Learning to communicate in a way to promote trust, connection, and intimacy is well worth your time and effort. To make it easier for all of us, there are five little words and phrases to save your marriage or any relationship. So, here we go!
Here are 5 tiny words that can save almost any marriage.
1. "Please."
In a long-term marriage, it is easy to forget to say "please". Saying "please" lets your spouse know you are making a request, not a demand or an attempt to control. Over the years, it become easy for spouses to believe they can tell their mate what to do without adding a please, but courtesy goes a long way.
2. "Thank you."
Don't underestimate the power of these two small words. This demonstrates appreciation, so whatever form you decide to show and communicate appreciation, the spirit behind a simple "thank you" can transform your relationship and keep it strong. We all need to feel appreciated, and there is often too little appreciation to satisfy.
3. "I'm sorry."
No, love does not mean never having to say you’re sorry. Be willing to take responsibility for your actions and words that have caused your mate pain. Making amends can save the day. Everyone makes mistakes, intentional or not. But when you take the time to acknowledge the mistake, and its impact, while demonstrating genuine regret, the healing process moves.
4. "I love you."
I promise this is a gift that gives back over and over again. Let your spouse know what you love about them. Let them know often. People really won't mind hearing over and over again how you love something about them. It helps keep the focus on what is good and takes the focus off those little things that may drive you crazy. Remember, you can talk yourself into feeling love for your partner just as easily as you can talk yourself into feeling frustrated. Why not focus on those things you love? It will make your spouse feel good about you, and it will be a win for your marriage.
5. "How?" or "What?"
When you ask someone, "What was it about my tone that bothered you?" you give someone permission to share their feelings and thoughts without judgment. When you ask someone, "How did you come to that conclusion?" you give someone a chance to explain their perspective without becoming defensive. In other words, stay away from the word "why." That only promotes defensiveness. "What" and "how" promote open, honest communication.
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Awareness of the words you choose makes the difference between a conversation going well or poorly. Learning new ways of communicating and relating to each other is not easy. Couples get trapped into certain ways of relating that were established early in the relationship.
You don't need to wait. You can begin the process now. Take advantage of the opportunity to receive the support and guidance you deserve. Take the time to practice and use this language in your daily conversations. I promise it will make a difference — starting now!
Julie Orlov is a psychotherapist, consultant, speaker, and author of “The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery”