Why Wives Need To Stop Sending Their Husbands Relationship Videos
Your intentions may be golden, but you aren't doing either of you any favors.
NemanjaMiscevic / Getty Images and RgStudio / Getty Images Signature via Canva Scrolling through TikTok, you come across a video of a man condemning bare minimum men.
He preaches how men need to step up and view their partners as human beings instead of servants. Pumped up you click the share button and send it to your husband.
"That'll show him," you think to yourself. However, what did you truly accomplish? Your husband hasn't changed, and all it did was create more tension. What do you do now?
"Stop sending your husband my videos," says podcaster and social media influencer Jimmy Knowles, "The only thing you're accomplishing is setting the bar to a whole new low."
2 Reasons Why Women Need To Stop Sending Men Relationship Videos
1. You're setting the bar low.
When you send those types of videos, you're admitting that you accept the bare minimum. Waving a flag in the air, you scream, "I'll take what I can get." However, this doesn't pave the way to a healthier relationship. Rather, it shows the slow deterioration of a toxic one.
So, how do you know if you're in a one-sided relationship? The Cleveland Clinic pulls from psychologist Dr. Scott Bea and defines a one-sided relationship as "any relationship where it feels like the effort, energy, and tasks are imbalanced, and where one feels as though there’s not a reciprocity that they would necessarily like.”
When you are the only one to plan dates, do chores, or make conversation, you're likely in a one-sided relationship.
Photo: LightField Studios / Shutterstock
Other signs of a one-sided relationship include:
- Feeling exhausted from the relationship.
- Not feeling connected to your partner.
- Your partner never sacrifices anything.
"If your partner has dealt with unstable relationships throughout their childhood, chances are they struggle to be in a partnership with you," writes Cleveland Clinic.
Though we want to make our relationships work, if your partner stonewalls you or isn't willing to compromise then that leaves you with only two options. Either go to therapy or call it quits. There's only so much you can do.
2. It won't change his behavior.
We can't change anybody's behavior, and sending videos won't make a difference. Unless your partner is genuinely willing to change, they'll remain the same.
However, there are ways you can observe change in your partner.
Licensed counseling psychologist Dr. Megan E. Call writes, “I have noticed that one of the primary influences for successful behavior change is the way setbacks and lapses are managed.”
How does your partner treat their setback? Do they reflect on their setback or do they give up? Knowing how they react will determine if they're going to change.
According to Call, there are six stages to behavioral change:
- Pre-contemplation: Unaware that we need to change.
- Contemplation: Noticing we need to change.
- Preparation: Planning to change.
- Action: Putting the plan into practice.
- Maintenance: Making it a part of our daily life.
- Relapse: Return to old behavior.
Knowing these stages will help you monitor how they're progressing in their behavior. "If you want to support your partner, be compassionate during their inevitable relapse stage," writes Call.
However, it's up to them to question what they've learned during their relapse stage. "It's up to them to figure out how to get back to that action stage," writes Call.
Finally, do you want to heal your relationship? Therapy can help by providing a safe space for you to address issues and improve communication. Through therapy, you can learn how to manage unhealthy behaviors, says Knowles.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.