The Underrated Quality Women Want Most In A Man, According To Research
Do looks matter to you, or does kindness?
Chouaib Maiza | Unsplash A 2016 British study published in Evolutionary Psychology examined how much a man’s level of altruism influences his attractiveness to women. In the study, led by University of Worcester psychologist Daniel Farrelly, 202 heterosexual women looked at photographs of pairs of men. In each pairing, one man had been independently evaluated as physically attractive, the other as physically unattractive.
The women were also told how each man reacted to a scenario that called for altruism. In one scenario, a child is drowning in a fast-moving river. Participants were told that one of the men jumped into the water to try and rescue the child; the other decided it was too dangerous and didn’t attempt to save the child.
According to research, the underrated quality women want most in a man is altruism.
If I saw a man jump into a river to save a child, I would make sure the kid was safe first, and then I would get that man's number. I don't need science to tell me that. Am I the only one?
In another scenario, one man purchased a meal for a homeless person while the other pretended to make a phone call and walked by. The women also viewed scenarios in which both men engaged in equally neutral activities — buying a shirt versus buying a pair of jeans. In total, the women saw 12 different scenarios — eight that contrasted altruistic and non-altruistic behavior and four with neutral behavior.
Research suggests that women find moderately altruistic men more desirable than those who are highly altruistic or not altruistic at all. This preference is particularly pronounced for long-term relationships. Altruism is seen as a signal of good partner/parenting qualities, suggesting that women may be drawn to men who are likely to be supportive and caring.
Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock
After viewing each pair of photographs and behavior scenarios, women were asked how desirable each man would be, and the men who were both physically attractive and altruistic got the highest scores.
But when they had to choose between the two conditions, it got interesting. When women were asked about their preferences in long-term relationships, men in the “unattractive” category who had behaved altruistically received significantly higher ratings than the handsome men who had behaved selfishly.
While altruism and heroism are essential, physical attractiveness remains a significant factor in mate choice. Research indicates that women are more likely to choose attractive and altruistic men, and this preference is even stronger for long-term relationships. Being both beautiful and altruistic can create a synergistic effect, making a man even more desirable than the sum of his individual qualities.
But this finding did not hold up for short-term relationships—men who were high in attractiveness but low in altruism received slightly higher scores than their kinder, less handsome peers.
“Overall, the results provide further support for the view that altruism acts as an important trait in mate choice, particularly for [long-term] relationships,” the authors said.
In other words, if women are contemplating a fling, this research shows that looks matter slightly more than character. But when they are thinking about who they’d want to have a serious relationship with, women strongly prefer a good heart to a hot body.
Sara Eckel is a personal coach and the author of It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Guardian, and more.
