Woman Shares The One ‘Trick’ She Uses On Men To Weed Out ‘The Worst Of Them’ Before Dating
If you're looking for a confident, secure, and supportive partner — try out this trick.
New Africa / Shutterstock Whether you’re dating for a lifestyle, trying to find the love of your life, or simply looking for some fun — it’s become so difficult to find that perfect match. Nobody is finding today's dating scene to be easy, between the challenges of dating apps, unfortunate shifts in communication and values, and the opportunistic aspect of the internet. Still, some tips, tricks, and techniques on how to find your person are inevitably spreading online.
One TikToker suggested her own tried-and-true trick for weeding out the men she’s interested in. Boston-based content creator Jules Mucher waits until she’s in a public space — like a bar or a grocery store — and then asks them one simple question. Their response tells her everything she needs to know.
Before she starts dating a guy, Mucher asks him to hold her purse in public.
Particularly amid toxic “manosphere” discourse online and the resurgence of “traditional masculinity” in many cis-gender men, many women have found themselves stuck between a rock and a hard place. Date with the fear of running into one of these traditionalists — who clearly doesn’t respect women as full beings — or remain alone?
Well, before you throw yourself into the deep end with dating, Mucher suggested trying this technique that tells you a lot about a man's character, confidence, and security in their masculinity.
If he doesn’t object to holding your purse in public when you ask him to, he might just be a keeper.
She suggested asking the man you’re thinking of dating — or even your boyfriend already — to hold your purse in a crowded public place. Their response will be incredibly telling.
“It should be like, ‘Oh, right! Of course!’” Mucher explained. “But, I talked to this guy once who literally would not hold my purse. I think guys who won’t hold your purse are very scary men. Very insecure, too.”
Sexologist and relationship coach Dr. Massimo Fontana agreed with this creator, admitting that men who refuse to hold their partner’s purses over a misguided fear of “emasculation” should reconsider “what it means to be masculine.”
“You’re there to support each other,” he added. “Holding her purse isn’t going to emasculate you. If you’re feeling emasculated by something like that, you need to really come and see a therapist … do the work so you’re not functioning from an egocentric place in your life.”
Especially in a relationship that’s supposed to be built on trust, communication, and understanding, holding your partner’s purse definitely shouldn’t be the “end all.” Hyper-traditional, egotistical “red pill” creators are desperately trying to reinforce the patriarchy and dehumanize women with these kinds of perspectives — but people like Fontana remind us of what “secure men” truly look like.
If a man refuses to hold your purse, you might want to consider it a red flag.
If he’s refusing to hold your purse over fear of emasculation or a deep-rooted insecurity, especially early in the relationship, imagine what they’ll refuse to do later on.
It’s not far-fetched to think that they’ll refuse to do household chores, express their emotions, or even be an active father down the road if they’re already worried about maintaining their alignment with traditional (and toxic) masculinity standards. It’s not only unhealthy for the relationship but unsafe for many partners.
So, if you’re looking for “the one,” take the advice of many creators online and never settle. You’ll find someone who can’t wait to help and support you — whether holding your purse, your phone, or carrying you home.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.