Woman Shares The Short Note Her Husband Handed Her That Changed Her Mind About Getting A Divorce
She reflected on her past and realized that no matter what, they were unbreakable.
GaudiLab / Canva Pro As Lisa Mecham sat across from her soon-to-be ex-husband in an Idaho restaurant, she held the folder that contained all of the paperwork that would finalize their divorce.
Just as she and her husband were about to officially part ways, her husband reached across the table to fetch the check the waitress dropped off, grabbed a pen, and scrawled a nine-word message across the back.
When Mecham read what he had written, she changed her mind about the divorce entirely.
Mecham and her husband made the call to end their 25-year marriage after living apart for 14 years.
Mecham shared her love-divorce-love again story on HuffPost Personal, explaining that she and her husband, whom she referred to as “G,” met when they were in college.
“He was from Long Island; I was from the Midwest by way of Utah,” she shared. “G was well-liked, and we would all pile into his room to hang out. He held space like a magician, captivating us with his sense of humor and lightning-quick mind.”
Mecham and G began dating and discovered that they had a lot in common.
“We moved in together after college and two years later, G and I were married,” she wrote.
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While G was studying to become a doctor, completing medical school, residency, and fellowship, Mecham went to graduate school and worked as a community organizer until she decided to stay home and raise their two daughters.
Soon after, the couple moved to Connecticut with their daughters and that's when Mecham noticed that G was acting a bit off. She initially ignored it, believing that he was just overwhelmed with work.
“About a year after our move, G’s overwhelm turned into something else,” Mecham wrote. “Where his old self was steady and calm with a healthy sense of humor, this new version was overly gregarious and at times, inappropriate.”
“He started to withdraw and pace around the house. He would sit in another room endlessly doing crossword puzzles. He was not sleeping and looked exhausted and emaciated. Our girls were walking on eggshells when they were around him.”
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After G agreed to go to therapy, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. However, he was reluctant to accept his diagnosis and “manipulated” doctors to under-medicate him.
This only perpetuated his downward emotional spiral, to the point where Mecham feared leaving their children alone with him.
“I asked G to move to a hotel for a week or two so I could have space,” she wrote. “He was very reluctant to do so, but I told him if he did not leave, I would leave with the girls. Eventually, he agreed.” G never returned home.
While undergoing therapy herself, Mecham came to the realization that she feared her husband and could not stay married to him.
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“I wanted to be safe. I would do no harm; I would accept no harm,” she wrote.
G’s move out of their home marked the beginning of their 14-year separation. It was not until 2021 that they decided to fly out to Sun Valley, Idaho, a place that would spark no nostalgia for them, to work out all of the final details of their divorce.
While organizing the final arrangements over dinner, the two reminisced on all of the happy times they had throughout their marriage rather than all the bad.
At the end of their meal, the waitress dropped off the check at the table.
G took the check and wrote a message on the back that would change everything.
“G took it, added a tip, and signed it,” Mecham wrote. “Then he cleared his throat. ‘I want to say something, but I’m not sure I can.’
"I watched him take the copy of our bill and turn it over. He scrawled something and pushed it towards me.”
He wrote, ‘Whatever happens, I still want to be a family.”
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Mecham claimed that G had told her the same thing once before after their separation. However, at the time, she declined his offer. “As excruciating as it was, I said ‘no’ because it meant going back to something old, something that felt dead,” she wrote.
This time, there was a shift in the air, and the dynamic between the two of them felt more peaceful. “This time, I said, ‘yes’ because we had created something new.”
It was G’s note that prompted Mecham to put a hold on their divorce and remind herself of what they once were. “Because once, two young people sat in a cafe in Oyster Bay, filled with wonder and possibility, and then their life turned left instead of right,” she wrote. “Thirty years later, crying in a cowboy bar on the other side of the country, we created the ending they deserved.”
“All I knew was what I wanted: to live in the messy, unpredictable world with agency and vitality,” she said.
One year later, Mecham and G restored their family.
Your spouse may not be the same person who you originally married but don't turn to divorce impulsively.
According to a 2017 study out of the University of Alberta's Department of Human Ecology, 50% of those who claim they want a divorce from their spouse will change their minds within a year.
"A lot of times when things are bad, people feel they need to fix it and don't know what to do, and so divorce is the default,” study co-author Adam Galovan has explained. "Maybe they just need to say, 'I'm struggling, we need to do better, maybe we need to go on a date more often, or disconnect from our smartphones.'"
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Even if couples do decide to separate, this does not mean they have to alienate themselves from each other entirely.
Your history together already forms the basis of a strong friendship. Moreover, transitioning from partners to friends can provide emotional support and companionship during challenging times.
And maybe like Mechamf and G, you will find that at the end of the day, no matter what, you are still family.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.