Why You're So Obsessed With That Certain Someone
Clinical psychologist Dr. Aria Campbell Danesh explains the real reason people become fixated on others.
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock Do you ever get super fixated on someone you have a crush on? It can be confusing when you don't understand where these feelings strong feelings come from, but there is an entirely understandable reason feelings of affection sometimes become all-consuming.
In a video he shared on TikTok, clinical psychologist Dr. Aria Campbell Danesh explains the reason love develops into obsession.
What It Means If You're Obsessed With Someone
When you have unmet needs and desires, obsession with a particular person you think represents the fulfillment of those needs may creep in.
"It’s less about what they are and more about what they symbolize,” says Danesh.
We get hung up on someone when they begin to represent the things we want most — whether it's love, a perfect relationship, or something different.
More specifically, “Overthinking — and obsessive rumination — is a form of hypervigilance. In other words, it tends to be a coping mechanism, with roots in childhood," says Chelsea Psychology Clinic.
If your parents were absent, struggled with mental illness, or you moved around a lot and didn't have a stable place to call home, you might have dealt with some of these obsessive thoughts before. After all, the connections you made with others in the past were always inconsistent. In fear of someone taking that connection away, it's easy to start depending on these people to keep your connections secure.
But always focusing on others leads to obsessive thoughts, which can then lead even further into obsessive love. This is why working on this issue is crucial to your overall well-being and mental health.
How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone
Danesh stresses the importance of focusing on the specifics of your unmet needs so you can differentiate them from this person.
Write down the things you desire most and tend to obsess over — and then brainstorm ways meet those needs without depending on someone else.
For instance, do you struggle with loneliness? Brainstorm ways to meet new people or schedule activities with your friends.
If you want to get over someone you need to create space. Distance yourself from them, says hypnotherapist Alix Needham.
Distract yourself with fun activities and decrease your screen time (especially if you spend it looking at someone else's social media accounts). If it helps, block or unfollow the person you're obsessing over. The less you see them pop up in your feed, the less you'll think about them.
Next, stop feeding into the obsession. Whenever you think about that person acknowledge the thought but refuse to indulge, says Needham. Then, distract yourself through exercise.
Go on a walk or lift weights. If you don't have the equipment then look up at-home exercises. Exercising and physical movement can help clear the mind, decrease stress, and keep you distracted enough to stop obsessing over this other person.
Incorporating meditation into this routine helps too, says Needham. Meditation helps with rumination as it teaches us to live in the moment.
Finally, work on your self-esteem, says Needham. Change your look, try something new, and engage in activities that bring you joy.
Remember, that your happiness depends on your actions and not someone else's approval.
By realizing what's behind your obsession, you can start taking control of these feelings. This can help you turn your fixation on others into a positive focus on your own well-being.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.