Why Your 'High Standards' Are Probably Nothing More Than The Bare Minimum
Being afraid of expecting too much from anyone is a more common problem than you might think.
Kues / Shutterstock Have you ever been told that your relationship expectations are far too high? I bet that feels like a slap to the face, right?
It's even more infuriating when we know our standards are more than reasonable. But, there's still that voice in the back of our heads screaming that we are being too demanding.
Are your relationship standards actually too high?
Are we dooming ourselves to a life of loneliness forever by demanding too much?
Relationship podcaster Jimmy Knowles discusses says no, and that in reality the high standards he suggest you set for a relationship are really just the bare minimum.
Why Your High Standards Are Probably The Bare Minimum
Let's be clear you're likely not asking too much from your partner. Wanting good communication, emotional maturity, and great teamwork are honestly the basics.
And let's face it, relationships aren't too complicated, but they can be tough at times. However, deep down inside, most of us have a good idea of what makes a relationship work or not work.
As Knowles explains, "They require two willing participants who are committed not just to staying together." Rather, they require two people who yearn to build something worthwhile together.
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Relationships require two people who want to build relationships that are both strong and stable. In which both parties have respect and commitment as their foundation.
And guess what? These expectations don't make you too high maintenance. Rather, they make you human.
Don't get me wrong, you're bound to mess up. Maybe your communication isn't the best that day, or maybe your teamwork is behind.
Yes, stuff like this is bound to happen, but making an honest effort to improve every day is what truly makes a relationship work.
As Knowles says, "Mature people take responsibility and learn and grow from their mistakes."
But immature people will always find a way to fault others for their mistakes.
So, try asking yourself if these expectations benefit your relationship. Do they help you grow and connect with your partner? If the answer is yes, then your relationship standards aren't too high.
Okay, but what if you're in a relationship and you both are struggling with the basics? What if your teamwork is all over the place? What should you do then?
If you're looking to learn how to get on the same page, here are a few tips from psychology professor Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.
Two Ways To Improve Team Work
1. Divide duties equally
Want to know if your teamwork has been lacking lately? Ask yourself if your chores are being divided fairly. If they're not then chances are your teamwork needs some improvement.
And you might wonder if the division of household chores is even a big deal. But it's hard to keep a relationship happy without some equal footing.
And if your partner feels like they're the only one trying, then they'll slowly begin to resent you for the unfair treatment.
So, sit down with your partner and grab a notebook. Write down a list of chores that need to be done by the end of the week.
Jot down who does what, and then see if there's any unfairness in how the workload is split. Then, slowly move chores around until it's relatively equal.
2. Reduce outside distractions
Can you truly be on the same page if they're always checked out? Scrolling on their phone constantly, it's no wonder your communication is lacking. And I get it, it's hard to always be fully present with so many distractions around.
However, it's important to cut those distractions and spend quality time with your partner.
So, set some time aside to hang out with your partner. Chat about how things are going, and discuss what has and hasn't been working in your relationship.
Remember, listen to one another and try to understand where the other person is coming from.
Relationships aren't supposed to be rocket science, but like anything in life, they can get tough at times.
But by keeping your expectations high and focusing on teamwork, you can find and keep a partner who can meet your emotional needs.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.