Why Your Husband Is Not The Same Man You Married, According To Psychology
Rediscover what you love about each other today.
Anna Ostanina | Canva You have been together through thick and thin, good times and bad, sickness and health, your relationship has been persevered. Yet, now, your husband seems to have changed over the years and isn't the same man you married. You want to reconnect with him but don't know how or where to start. Help is on the way. Counselor and YourTango Expert Kate Evans talks about how couples — and their relationships — change over time.
Here's why your husband is not the same man you married, according to psychology:
1. People change over time
I find so many people are in this same position, where they have been together for a long time, but don't acknowledge their spouse has changed, along with the society around them, as explored in an article from the Journal of Development Studies.
When we get married, it's with all the hope and expectations of romance. We marry the person who makes sense for us at the time and sometimes that person seems to make a little less sense as we get older.
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2. You've changed and so has he
Research in the Developmental Psychology Journal asserts how marriage changes us and it's probably not just him who's changed. You've probably changed as well. What you need to do is go to him and share what has changed about both of you.
3. His needs have changed
Tell him what your needs are and ask if he can meet those needs for you. When you were first married, your needs were probably different than they are now. As the years pass, our ideas about love and sharing our lives will adapt to new situations, ideas, or goals, as demonstrated by a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. While you're at it, go ahead and ask what he needs. I'm guessing there are some things he hasn't talked about with you. since you are feeling he has changed but can't figure out why or what to do. If he finds you're willing to discuss and meet some of his needs, he might be even more open to meeting yours. Again, our needs change as we change, and we all change with age.
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Sit down and come up with a plan together to get reacquainted with who you are now. Don't try to remake yourselves into being the people you were when you first met and got married. Those people have changed, but they still have the same shared values that have kept you together, as supported by research in the Journal of Family Psychology on the impact of initial versus incremental differences on marital deterioration.
If you are in a position of not knowing how to deal with those changes, it means the communication in your relationship has also changed. So, explore who you have each become and rediscover what you love about each other today.
"When we get married, it's with all of the hope and expectations of romance and of youth," Kate Evans says. "We marry the person who makes sense for us at the time and, sometimes, that person seems to make a little less sense as we get older." So she suggests to openly express these feelings to your partner without hurting their feelings. Want to learn more? Check out the video below:
Kate Evans has nearly twenty years of experience in psychology and is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, a certified yoga instructor, and a certified Life Coach.