9 Reasons So Many Cool Women Fall In Love With Nerdy Guys
A guide for opening yourself up to guys who typically are called "geeks" and appreciating them for who they are.
Lifestock via Canva Whether you want to divide them up into jocks vs. nerds or popular vs. unpopular, there is a definite difference between dating a nerdy guy and only going for the stereotypical "cool guy" — if that's your usual type.
If you’re tired of chasing after unavailable men or having your heart broken by an alpha male, maybe it’s time to change up your dating strategies and look for a different kind of man, one you might have overlooked in the past.
Before we dive into the benefits of having a nerdy guy as a potential partner, let’s define what we mean by a nerdy guy.
What qualifies as being a nerd?
The plainest definition of a nerd is someone who is passionate about something that most people have a passing interest in.
A nerdy guy is typically someone with a strong interest in science, technology, engineering, mathematics (STEM), and other areas such as literature, history, or gaming. He’s generally considered socially awkward or introverted, preferring to spend time alone or with a small group of close friends.
However, being a "nerdy guy" is not a negative trait. It simply means that he’s enthusiastic about intellectual and niche topics.
He's probably not your typical alpha male. His focus on developing his intellect may have come at the expense of building muscle, but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t attractive in his own way. A nerdy guy may not be as assertive and confident at the beginning, but that doesn’t mean that he’s not able to step up, sweep you off your feet, and meet your needs. Dating a nerdy guy can be your chance to finally meet a man who’ll acknowledge and respect you, put in the effort to win your heart, and be your hero. But what’s so different about dating a nerdy guy?
Here are nine reasons a nerdy guy is attractive, and you should give one a second look:
1. Nerdy guys are smart.
Nerdy guys tend to be highly intelligent and have a depth of knowledge about their interests. He’s got a lot of unique perspectives and insights that will intrigue you and pique your intellect. It’s likely that a mental connection will be the initial reason you find him attractive.
A nerdy guy’s superpower is that the largest erogenous zone is the space between your ears — so he’ll win your affection by going through your mind first. Once he wins your heart, the intellectual connection between you lights up a fire of passion too.
2. Nerdy guys are passionate.
One reason nerdy guys are attractive is because they immerse themselves in their interests which becomes magnetic, especially when one of his passions is you. His enthusiasm can be infectious and fun to be around. He’ll make you feel like you’re the only woman in the world. You won’t ever have to worry about finding things to talk about. When you’re curious and ask questions about his interests he’ll talk for hours. He’ll also want to know everything about you.
3. Nerdy guys have a unique sense of humor.
Whether it's clever wordplay or ironic insights, nerdy guys often have a quirky sense of humor that can be both witty and charming. His humor can come from a life spent observing others, as he probably wasn’t the popular kid growing up. He may also have a self-deprecating quality to his sense of humor that opens your heart to his sensitive side. Any way you look at it, a nerdy guy’s sense of humor will keep you entertained and chuckling at life’s oddities.
4. Nerdy guys are kind and loyal.
Unlike the typical alpha male, nerdy guys are generally kind, loyal, and respectful toward women. They may have been teased or bullied in the past, which can make them more empathetic and compassionate toward others. They’re used to being the underdog and have sympathy for others. Treat him well and he’ll be loyal to you. When he feels appreciated and supported by you, he’ll stick with you and return the favor. Nerdy guys are attractive because they ooze empathy, take care of you, and see that your wants and needs are met.
5. Nerdy guys are good conversationalists.
Nerdy guys often have a wealth of knowledge about their interests, which can lead to fascinating and informative conversations. His passion and curiosity can make him an engaging conversationalist and is happy to share details about his hobbies with you. Another thing that makes nerdy guys attractive is that he’s more likely to ask questions about you and be a good listener rather than a man who is self-absorbed and trying to puff himself up to impress you.
6. Nerdy guys put in the effort.
Nerdy guys have faced rejection or difficulties in social situations in the past, which has led them to value and appreciate the connections they make with others. He’s more likely to plan thoughtful dates, remember important details about your life, and show appreciation for your interests and passions. He may be socially awkward at times, but he makes up for it by being attentive, thoughtful, and dedicated to you. He’s more willing to put in time and effort to build a strong emotional connection with you because of the challenges he’s faced in relationships. Nerdy guys are attractive because they will value you.
7. Nerdy guys are appreciative.
Yes, nerdy guys can often be very appreciative partners. This is because of the strong sense of empathy and understanding he developed from feeling like an outcast. This can motivate him to appreciate your efforts to connect with him. He’ll also be more likely to value your intelligence, creativity, and unique perspective rather than just your physical appearance. His attraction to you won’t be superficial, instead he’s built for a relationship that stands the test of time.
8. Nerdy guys aren’t caught up in toxic masculinity.
Nerdy guys are generally less concerned with traditional masculine behaviors and are more focused on being authentic to themselves and their interests. Being less interested in traditional gender roles, he may be more open to sharing household duties and making decisions together. He’s not trying to prove how strong and stoic he is because that’s never been a strength of his. A lot of nerdy guys were victims of toxic masculinity and therefore reject traditional definitions of masculinity.
9. Nerdy guys will honor your requests.
Because of their strong sense of empathy and understanding, nerdy guys can be very respectful of your requests and boundaries. He’s more likely to be very detail-oriented and attentive, which can make him good at following through on his promises and commitments. If he makes an agreement with you, he’ll stick to it and make sure you feel respected and heard. Nerdy guys are more likely to have realistic expectations for an intimate relationship, and he won’t expect you to cater to his wants and needs. He’s going to show you that you can rely on him and that he’ll stand by you.
Here are six things to remember when dating a nerdy guy:
1. Talk across the brain to be heard.
Because he’s intellectually oriented, he may not have the best communication skills for expressing his emotions. Instead of asking him how he feels about something, ask him what he thinks. Giving him the space to share his thoughts will reveal a lot about how he feels. He may not be as quick to find the words to express what’s going on. Be careful of the desire to fill in the blanks or interrupt him. If he feels safe expressing himself with you then he’ll gradually open up even more.
Here's an easy template, “I feel ________, what do you think?” Talking across the brain is a great way to connect with a nerdy guy so he’s able to share with you what’s going on with him. You may find that he ends up sharing his feelings with you after all.
2. Be authentic and make requests.
Because he doesn’t have “game” when it comes to women, he probably isn’t tuned in to masculine and feminine energy and their differences. He may not intuitively understand what you want or need. Make sure to share with him how you’re feeling and make requests. He’ll show his desire to please you by how quickly he adjusts to meet your needs. He wants you to be happy and he wants to be the source of your happiness. Don’t be subtle; tell him what you want so that your desires aren’t a secret.
3. Embrace your own nerdy side.
Don't be afraid to show your own nerdy or goofy side. If you share some of his interests, talk about them and share your own opinions and experiences. He’ll like you more when you reveal your inner geek. Also, a nerdy guy likes to debate with facts so don’t be afraid to disagree or have a different point of view. He’ll find it a turn-on that you have your own perspective and aren’t afraid to disagree with him.
4. Be patient with his introversion.
Nerdy guys may be more introverted and socially awkward, so it's important to be patient and understanding. Don't push him to socialize or make him feel uncomfortable in social situations. Also, give him space to refuel after you’ve spent time socializing. He’ll probably want to retreat to his man cave and hibernate. Most men need time to recharge, and time spent alone tinkering on a computer or in a workshop allows them to recharge and produce testosterone.
5. Let him know that his efforts count.
Behavioral change isn’t always easy, so encourage him rather than criticize him, and he’ll make the effort to step up for you. He may have agreed to your request, but it may take time for that new behavior to become a habit. The key is whether he’s putting the effort in. If he’s trying to make the changes you’ve asked for, let him know that his efforts count.
6. Be curious about his interests.
Ask him about his favorite books, movies, TV shows, or video games. Even if you don't share the same hobbies, showing a genuine interest in what he likes can help you bond and build a connection. Dating a nerdy guy can open you up to a new experience of what a man can provide for you. He may not be the alpha male you think you’re looking for, but he can show up for you in so many other ways that you won’t even miss the type of man you thought you needed.
Orna and Matthew Walters are dating coaches and founders of Creating Love On Purpose with a holistic approach to transforming hidden blocks to love, and the authors of Getting It Right This Time.