What The Smartest Women Say, Do & Wear On First Dates (To Get A Second)
Make a top-notch first impression to secure a second date.
Jacob Lund | Canva First dates can be nerve-racking. You've only got one chance to make a first impression. That's why you want to be very savvy on a first date. Once you've presented the best version of yourself, you can relax into the date.
You'll be able to stop focusing on how to get them to like you and enjoy your time getting to know who they are.
You won't look back with regret and ruminate on what you could have done differently. This is a great way to create the internal strength necessary to weather a possible rejection.
Here's what the smartest women say, do & wear on first dates (to get a second):
1. They enjoy their date's company
The most important piece of advice is to do your best to have a good time on a first date.
Having a good time and a first date is counterintuitive for many women who think the purpose of a first date is to qualify the person and decide if they are worthy of your time. This is the worst first-date strategy. Why? Because you will not be an enjoyable date easy to be with.
You'll be serious, intense, and anything but fun as you shoot your interview questions at them rapid-fire. Resist the urge to investigate and sit back to see if you can enjoy each other’s company.
Listen so they feel heard. Often, a great conversationalist spends most of their time listening. Of course, you want to put your two cents in because they need to know what you are all about.
2. They prepare fun conversation topics
Not sure what to talk about? Think about what fun things you enjoy in your life. Ask about what he likes to do in his free time. Does he have any hobbies? Does he follow any sports, and who are his teams? Where does he vacation?
Talk about restaurants and what he likes on his pizza. You can mention some TV shows or movies and ask what he watches. Chat about music genres, bands, concerts, and live local venues.
There are also plenty of local activities you may have visited: museums, ballparks, historical sites, and farmer’s markets. You might discover something you can do together on your next date.
Prepare your answers to any question you plan to ask so you don't get caught off guard. You want your responses to roll out easily.
3. They're on time
This might not seem like a big deal, but everyone handles time differently. To some, being prompt is vital, and being late is nothing short of insulting. Do your best to be on time. Anyone can run into traffic, so do what you can to get there when you agree to meet.
4. They wear something fabulous
When you wear a fabulous outfit, you’ll make a better impression. Your clothing impacts your mood and presentation. So, when you think you look good, you do!
Social research shows that color matters. Researchers who conducted a study based on the British TV show "First Dates" found that men and women tend to wear black most often on dates.
It's wise to choose something that highlights you. You don't need to be a fashionista to look good in clothes. If you're unsure what works for you, talk to a stylist or a fashion-savvy friend.
5. They show up with a clear mind
When your mind is clear, you shine. If your boss aggravated you as you were leaving work or traffic stunk on the way over, take a moment to breathe and let the frustration clear. Remember, you only get one chance to make a first impression, so make it count! Cheerful, relaxed, and happy are always a comfortable way to start things moving in the right direction.
You can imagine a white light swooshing from the heavens over your entire body, like a waterfall cleaning you off. Or, do a quick body scan and imagine every body part relaxing as you move from toe to head in your mind.
This powerful exercise works if you give yourself a minute or so. Your intention matters, so focus while you do this exercise. Next, imagine one happy thought before you walk through the door.
6. They don't treat their date like a therapist
You cannot imagine how many men who are good listeners have women unload all their woes on a first date. This will prevent you from landing a second date. Remember, the date needs to be fun for them, so whether or not they seem interested, your long list of complaints will not make a great first impression.
Also, keep the conversation balanced rather than sucking up all the air in the room with your stories. Give them equal time when possible.
Lastly, don't talk about your ex, whether or not they bring up their ex. If they do bring up their ex, try to change the subject. Your love war stories do not show you off in a good light and should be avoided until you know each other better.
7. They're aware of their body language
Your posture and body language reveal much more about you than you can imagine. You don't have to be an expert to get a first impression of someone. So, stand and sit straight. Don't cross your arms in front of your body because that means you are closed off.
Maintain eye contact, but avoid the stare-down, which feels very aggressive. It's helpful to look away occasionally so you don't intimidate your date. If you are interested in something they tell you, lean toward them as a sign of your interest.
Another sign of interest is when you tilt your head to one side while they are talking. This shows you are thinking about what they are saying.
8. They put their phones away
Nothing is worse than being on a date with someone constantly checking their phone or texting people. Your date won't like it either. If you're worried about your kids calling, leave the ringer on — you'll hear it inside your purse. You don't need to take a picture of your food or beverage. Just focus on your date for a change and leave your phone alone.
If you are on your phone while on a date, you show them they're unimportant and will take a back seat to your friends or social media. That's not the message you want to send. You can take a break from your phone for 90 minutes while on a date.
9. They look for commonalities
Look for what you have in common. When you find something, highlight it. This helps with bonding and makes people feel warmer toward you. You want to know where your interests naturally overlap because that is one factor for compatibility.
10. They lightly touch — if interested
If you feel like they are a great person, one flirty tip is to touch their forearm or shoulder. When you do this, you are breaking the private space barrier. Touch at the start of dating often has an electrifying jolt to it. Especially when there is good chemistry.
This works well when you are saying something funny or making a point. Reach over with one hand and touch their arm or shoulder for 2-3 seconds, then withdraw slowly. Your touch will draw them in if they are interested.
11. They leave him feeling good and wanting more
Most people don’t get enough acknowledgment, so when you are gracious and say, "Thank you" for the date, you will make some points.
Instead, give your date one nice compliment such as, "You picked a great spot to meet," or "You are so easy to talk to, I could talk to you all night," or "Thanks so much, I had a really good time with you." Keep your closing compliment simple, and don't draw it out.
This may feel counterintuitive, but a first date should be relatively short. The idea is to leave them wanting to know more about you. After ninety minutes, wrap things up and go home or meet a friend if it's too early to end the night. Whatever you do, do not linger with your date or let it roll on for hours.
Sometimes, people overstay because they are having a good time. They get too comfortable and start revealing private details prematurely before they know if the other person is worthy of that knowledge. That's why it's so much better to leave them wanting more.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours. She's been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.