What People Who Are Truly In Love Know That The Rest Of Us Don't
Small actions have a greater impact than you know.
Vlada Karpovich | Canva We can be real and say we all want our love life to be successful. Yet, knowing how to get that love can be a real pain. With so much conflicting love and relationship advice out there it can feel like being stuck in a maze to figure out a way to find for you.
Here's what people who are truly in love know that the rest of us don't:
Luckily, relationship podcaster Jimmy Knowles has one simple piece of advice that can make your search for relationship success a whole lot easier.
1. They understand that their partner is their safe space.
"I'm just saying that when you care about someone check in with them," begins Knowles. You reassure and remind your partner that you're a safe space to come to if they need to feel heard and understood. "That's what builds trust over time," explains Knowles. Trust is built with consideration, respect, and intentionality in your actions as shown by a 2007 study of interpersonal trust.
He continues, "Putting in the work of selflessness and emotional connection together. This is what makes your bond strong."
2. They know it takes consistent effort to maintain a strong bond with their partner.
Yet, what if we were to ignore all this? What if we made no effort and refused to consider their feelings? Well, that is the quickest way to weaken your bond, says Knowles. He continues, "And ya'll wonder why years later people say we just fell out of love."
When the reality is, they never fell out of love. They were just never in love from the beginning. And yes, they might have had chemistry and passion, but the trust and safety aspect was missing.
3. They focus on building a strong foundation for their relationship.
As Knowles puts it, "They never built their relationship house on a strong foundation." And here's a news flash, spending years together doesn't mean you have a strong connection. No, true love requires way more than that.
"It requires protecting against and repairing disconnection. Which happens all the time in our relationships," says Knowles.
But how do you fix a bond that's been broken? How do you heal from the hurt and pain in your relationship? Psychologist Melanie Greenberg discusses the four best ways you can heal using the H-E-A-L technique.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
Here are 4 ways to heal using the H-E-A-L technique to fix a relationship that is broken:
1. Hear — make sure your partner feels heard and understood.
When you're with your partner try sitting down and remaining fully present. That means putting away your phone and maintaining eye contact while they're speaking.
A 1993 study helps us understand how to look at their facial expressions to get a better grasp of how they're feeling. Then, let them know you're listening and you're understanding what their unmet needs are. That you're willing and ready to work together to make the necessary changes.
2. Empathize — take time to get into the same headspace as your partner.
Understanding how your partner is feeling is just grazing the surface. The reality is, you also need to make sense of your emotions if you want to heal. Ask yourself, "How do I feel about what my partner is saying?"
Moreover, express compassion when they express their hurt. Tell them that it pains you to know your actions have caused them to feel this way.
But whatever you do don't advise during this stage. Greenberg writes, "Often, however, this advice comes across as critical or judgmental, which can make things worse."
3. Act — be intentional and come up with possible solutions with your partner.
Next, you need to move on to taking action. After you've heard how your partner is feeling sit down and come up with a game plan.
In a notebook, write down what needs to be changed. Then, write down possible solutions. If it's about chores, think about writing a schedule where each of you is assigned chores weekly.
Greenberg reminds us, "You don’t have to be perfect at it—just the fact that you care and are trying to change is enough to help most people feel validated."
4. Love — start re-connecting with your partner.
While coming up with a game plan is a good start, it's not always enough to heal the hurt in your relationship. So, if you want to mend the hurt, you need to start reconnecting with your love.
Look through memories or pictures and remind yourself why you love your partner.
Greenberg asks us, "Can you find a way to forgive yourself and your partner for the mistakes you have both made that got you off track?"
Lastly, think about how you can show your partner you adore them each and every day. Small actions such as these will have a greater impact than you'll know.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.