The Weird Reason You Keep Overlooking The Love Of Your Life
You could be looking over a four-leaf clover.
Jacob Lund | Canva The reason many singles have yet to find the right person boils down to the fact they have their eyes closed.
People often sit at a bar with a scowl while staring at their cell phones. Then, only give the time of day to someone with stunning outward beauty. In the figurative sense, many have yet to learn the art of seeing with the eyes of the heart.
Over 150 years ago, novelist Elizabeth Gaskell illuminated what many people fail to perceive in her classic novel Wives and Daughters.
Here's the weird reason you keep overlooking the love of your life:
1. Love at first sight blocks real love
Her curly black-haired protagonist, Molly Gibson, daughter of the town doctor, possesses a loving heart, a truthful way, and a curiosity about science: a young woman well suited for the up-and-coming, brawny Cambridge scientist Roger Hamley.
Molly knew Roger before the fame; she had spent time with his dying mother, who came to love Molly dearly.
Fast forward a few months, and Molly’s father gets remarried. Molly’s stepsister Cynthia comes to town, and Roger falls in love with her at first sight. The Regina George of her time, Cynthia, has an irresistible beauty that attracts men like bees to a honeycomb.
Although sweet and agreeable, Cynthia lacks the depth and honesty of Molly and finds herself bored when Roger speaks to her about his research projects. Obsessed with being adored, however, Cynthia encourages Roger’s attention and even agrees to get engaged before he leaves for two years on a work expedition.
2. You're mismatched and heartbroken
Molly, heartbroken, watches Roger through her windows as he leaves their house.
The time passes, and Roger writes fervently to Cynthia. At first, she tries to read his letters avidly, but as the days pass, she loses interest and believes the marriage will fail to come to fruition.
After receiving two more proposals after a short stay in London, Cynthia also reveals that she had secretly engaged herself to another man before Roger. Long story short, she finally breaks off her engagement to Roger.
Even though Roger feels pain in this rejection, he confesses that he only loved an image of Cynthia that he had created in his mind. When he returns to town, he sees Molly again with new eyes.
RELATED: 5 Harsh Reasons Women Fall Out of Love
3. You're prematurely friend-zoning
Through their close friendship when they were younger, Molly and Roger had friend-zoned each other, and she realizes that she needs to distance herself a little from him to see each other as a love prospect rather than a brother or sister. Molly also spends more time cultivating her appearance to look feminine and attractive to Roger.
Before long, he apologizes to her about his artificial love for Cynthia and asks if she could ever think of him as her husband. She accepts, and they start their wonderful life together.
Roger is lucky, however. Many men in his position, including Molly’s father, had fallen in ‘love’ with a beautiful woman and married her, only to discover the woman’s true character in the marriage.
4. You're only looking at the surface
People have fallen for this trap for centuries, including ours, and have ended up in loveless marriages. Roger and Molly’s story reveals the wisdom in seeing with the eyes of the heart: looking past appearances, first impressions, and feelings to uncover a person’s true value.
We advise our clients to give their matches at least three dates unless they feel repulsed by the person.
To practice this skill and find a good match for you, I recommend writing a list of five people you respect and three reasons why for each one. Through this exercise, they start to take notice of other men in their lives who they had yet to notice as worthy of their romantic interest.
The same goes for men: finding the most suitable match for you goes far beyond finding the prettiest woman in the room. It involves a combination of attraction, compatibility, and time.
Stop selling yourself short and pursue someone with the emotional intelligence and kindness you crave. Then, both of you will recognize one of the most significant components of true love: admiration.
Alessandra Conti & Cristina (Conti) Pineda are the women behind Matchmakers In The City, a top certified personal matchmaking firm in Los Angeles, New York City, San Francisco, and Washington, D.C.