3 Odd Ways People Show You They're Really Attracted To You Without Saying It, According To Psychology
People often reveal their attraction to you in the most subtle of ways.
Abdullah Ali | Unsplash Ever thought about whether others find you attractive? I've had my moments of curiosity about how I come across, too. But, like most people, I tend to push that question aside because, let's face it, there's no surefire way to know if our attractiveness is real or not.
Fortunately, psychologist and relationship expert Kimberly Moffit, PhD recently shared the strange ways people show you they're attracted to you without saying a word.
Here are the odd ways people show you they're attracted to you without saying it:
1. They don't go out of their way to tell you you're attractive
One of the less obvious signs that you're attractive is when nobody goes out of their way to tell you so, according to Moffit. And even though it might seem counterintuitive, it makes sense.
"This is happening because they just assume you hear this all the time," explains Moffit. So, if nobody ever tells you that you're pretty, it might be because they think you already know.
While being told you're attractive can temporarily boost self-esteem, constantly receiving overt compliments about your appearance can have negative consequences. These include potential feelings of superficiality, pressure to maintain a particular image, and a devaluation of your other qualities. However, a 2024 study found that it is essential not to go out of your way to compliment someone's physical attractiveness excessively.
2. They may hate on you a little
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Back in high school, I had this one classmate who used to say, "If you don't have haters, then you ain't popping." And in the case of attractiveness, this seems to be accurate.
"Hate is often fueled by jealousy," says Moffit. If you're beautiful inside and out, that naturally attracts attention, which is why you might have a lot of haters.
Research from a 2017 study supports the concept that strong negative emotions, including hate, can sometimes stem from a hidden attraction. This is particularly true when coupled with jealousy or competition, often referred to as the love-hate dynamic.
3. They may freeze up and get awkward on you
Do you step into a room and silence follows? Well, it's not because you did anything wrong, says Moffit. It's simply because you're so stunning that those around you don't know how to act in your presence.
So, take it as a compliment and lean into the silence. Okay, but what if you don't fit into these signs? How do you up your attractiveness? Here are a few tips to consider if you want to be seen as more attractive.
The concept of an imaginary audience, combined with the potential for heightened awareness when someone perceived as attractive enters a space, can cause people to become more self-conscious and potentially appear frozen due to nervousness or a desire to make a good impression. A 2019 study explained that the social setting, the dynamic between individuals in the room, and the perceived attractiveness of the person entering can all influence how people react.
When we talk about attractiveness, we may think we need to change ourselves to fit into a certain standard. But let's put things into perspective — iconic figures like Cleopatra were not considered conventionally attractive in their time.
So, what is it that makes someone irresistibly attractive? "It's their mindset," says psychologist Jill P. Weber. People who don't take themselves seriously are considered attractive. Something is appealing about someone who can laugh off their mistakes and flaws. About someone who can embrace their humor and find the good in things.
Their humanness is what makes them alluring and their openness inspires us to open up. And in a world where many try to hide their imperfections, it's refreshing to meet someone who doesn't bother with all that.
Happiness is also widely considered attractive. A 2020 study showed that people generally perceive faces displaying positive emotions like smiles as more beautiful than neutral or negative expressions. This suggests that a happy demeanor can enhance perceived physical attractiveness. However, perceptions of attractiveness can vary across cultures, so the link between happiness and attractiveness might not be identical in all societies.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a Bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.