3 Ways Millennials Have Made Marriage So Much Better
Good love needs time.
View Apart | Canva Is love dead? Hardly. So why have so many people have given up on love? Do we not know how to love each other anymore? The truth is that most of us are finding love; we're just finding it later in life. The rules of love and marriage have changed, and rather than marry early when we barely know ourselves, we wait. This is hardly bad news for love. And love is not something to give up on.
Millennials are keeping that fight alive, particularly when it comes to marriage. It might be trendy to blame millennials for everything from skyrocketing college debt to the death of Applebee's, but, in reality, millennials have done some great things for love and marriage that we all benefit from.
Here are 3 ways millennials have made marriage better:
1. They no longer marry because society says so.
Marriage takes place today for the same reasons it always has. Sometimes, it's for love or convenience, sometimes, to merge resources, and sometimes, a combination of all of the above. But one of the reasons our parents and grandparents married so much younger than us was because society said they had to. These enforced societal norms made people in their 20s feel bad, weird, or even like failures if they weren't married by 25.
We now live in a time where you can get married (or not get married) in your 20s, 30s, 40s or later without society's judgment. This means we can marry for the right reasons instead of trying to live up to some arbitrary societal timeline. We no longer have to settle for strained intimacy, poor communication, or mistreatment the way so many of our grandparents did. It also means we can't judge our lives by their timeline. Thinking love isn't coming because your mother and grandmother were married by your age will only make you miss the great things happening right now!
2. They take time to discover themselves.
When my mother married my father, he was the only man she had ever slept with. The difference between her and my grandmother was my mother took the time to travel the world, go to graduate school, and do a fair amount of self-discovery through therapy. Still, that wasn't enough. Even though they married at 30 and 32, when they divorced 16 years later, they both shared they were too young to know getting married was the wrong choice.
Today, a new generation is suffering and benefiting from the trend towards later marriage. They are suffering because it's challenging to be alone but benefiting by avoiding the painful experience of marital failure and divorce. It's challenging to go from relationship to relationship and never feel like you will truly fall in love.
But marrying later in life means we have more time to discover ourselves through the self-knowledge that comes with each year. We're marrying when we're more mature, more self-aware, and better equipped to enter into lasting love. And, in that way, we're improving on both our parents and grandparents in our search for love and happiness.
3. They know older is often better.
In a culture that puts a high price tag on youth, we've forgotten that the best time of our lives starts later. Just as a fine wine ages over time, we become more interesting, self-aware, and secure in who we are as we age. We also become better lovers. Finding love and marriage when we're older means we're more likely to find a partner who's truly the right fit for us.
I'm a millennial and have to say it's not easy dating so many different people. I've felt like I couldn't take one more heartbreak and wished I would meet my love, get married, and move on with my life. I've almost given up on love and thought, Well, if it isn't here now, then it's probably not coming. But it is coming!
Photo: maruco via Shuttesrtock
Imagine what your life would be like now had you married one of those ex-boyfriends you thought was perfect at the time. (Yikes!) We're evolving from marrying the first person we fall in love with to marrying someone who's a spiritual match for us. But we have to become more conscious beings first on a spectacular ride of different lovers, devastating heartbreak, great love, all kinds of intimacy, solitude, big dreams, and dreadful disappointments.
Finding love — the right love — takes time. The Supremes had it figured out decades ago when they sang, You Can't Hurry Love. Yes, we can't hurry true love. Times have changed. But don't lose hope!
Lauren Brim is a coach, alternative healthcare practitioner, and author who gives a revolutionary 21st-century approach to intimacy, relationships, and love.