13 Ways Men Accidentally Show They’re Not Over Their Ex Yet
There are clues if you pay close enough attention.
Nina zeynep güler | Pexels Love is the most sought-after human emotion, but love is more than instinctual. It is important to use our intellect and judgment as well as our heart so we can make the right decisions. Otherwise, we can become so blinded in love that we can stay stuck in dead-end, one-sided relationships.
If you feel like you are giving your all in the relationship, and your relationship is not moving forward, it could be because your partner is still in love with his ex and needs to sort out his feelings before he can move forward in another relationship.
Here are 13 ways men accidentally show they’re not over their ex yet:
1. He’s still angry
If a person is still angry with their ex, it is a clear red flag that they are not over their ex yet. Their anger is just a manifestation of the pain and hurt they carry inside because of the ending of the relationship.
If a person has truly moved on from his ex-relationship, he becomes apathetic and indifferent to the ex instead of seething with anger towards them.
Anger and hatred just go to show that they still have intense feelings for their ex-partner and have not come to terms with the breakup yet.
2. Every little thing reminds him of them
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If all the little things like what you wear, how you talk, the places you visit, or what perfume you wear remind him of them, then he is not over his ex yet.
He should ideally take more time to notice and compliment you instead of talking about his ex all the time. If he doesn’t have his heart 100% in the relationship, you should just move on.
3. He’s still interested in their life
If he still makes efforts to find out what is going on in their life, whether by asking common friends or checking their social media feed, or stalking them, it is a major red flag that he still has feelings and is hoping to get back together with them.
While it is OK to remain friends with your ex, it is not OK to obsess about every little thing that is happening in their life or to be too involved in their life.
4. He is still in touch with their family
When you are in a relationship, it is obvious you would want to be in touch with your partner’s friends and family. But, as soon as the relationship ends, the contact with friends and family slowly fades away.
If your partner is still making efforts to stay in touch with his ex’s family, it could be either because he is trying to keep a tab on his ex’s life to find out if they are still single and if he still has a chance to get them back.
He could also be trying to impress the family so he could ask their support for getting his ex back.
5. He still obsesses over their social media
If a person is over his ex, he should not like every comment and photo of his ex on social media. If he is still doing that, it is a clear sign he is trying to get their attention and hoping to rekindle the spark.
"We're hardwired to pay attention to other people," media psychologist Pamela Rutledge, who studies the impact of media and technology on our lives, revealed. "Even if we broke something off, we want to fundamentally believe that no one can replace us. We want affirmation that we're valued or a good person, so we’re hoping that without us, they're going to be a little bit sad or suffer a little bit."
6. He compares you to them
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If he keeps on comparing the two of you in all the small instances, like how they used to cook food, how they used to dress up, or how intelligent or mature they are, he is just consciously or unconsciously comparing you with them, and that’s not a good thing to do.
You are a unique individual, and you should be with someone who likes you for who you are and not someone who is trying to turn you into a mirror image of his ex.
A 2013 study on current relationship quality and emotional attachment to ex-partners found "declines in relationship quality predicted increased longing for ex-partners. Increased longing for ex-partners over time predicted decreased relationship quality, but only among those considering recent ex-partners, which suggested that ex-partners may be used in a substitution process to bolster belongingness needs when relationships sour and that resolving feelings for one’s most recent ex may be important for maximizing a new relationship’s potential."
7. He talks about his past a lot
We all talk about the past to remember and relive the good times. If he keeps on talking about his ex, about the things they did together, or the places they visited together, it is a clear sign that he still misses the good times spent with them.
If he keeps on bringing up their vacations together or daily rituals, he is clearly missing them big time.
8. He shares about his life with them more than he shares with you
If he shares about his dreams, passion, and what’s going on in his life with them more than he shares with you, he clearly shares more comfort and bonding with them than he shares with you.
Comfort, , and bonding are the basic building blocks of a good, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationship. If you don’t have these things in your relationship, then you have some reflection to do and take an appropriate course of action.
As Dr. John Gottman stated, "The early part of a relationship, besides the fun and infatuation, is about establishing trust and a shared future. Trust is built in very small moments, which I call 'sliding door' moments. In any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away from your partner. One such moment is not important, but if you're always choosing to turn away, then it erodes in a relationship, very gradually, very slowly.”
9. He is hesitant to commit
It is normal to take time to commit to someone. But if you have been dating him for quite some time and he is still hesitant to commit to you, it goes to show he is still unsure about you, or he is still not over his ex.
If he keeps dodging the question of where things are at, he is probably not too keen to take the relationship forward.
10. He keeps on bringing up their name randomly in conversations
When we like someone, we can’t help but bring up their name randomly in our conversations. It is because that person is constantly on our minds.
If your partner keeps on bringing his ex’s name randomly in conversations, then you can imagine how much they are playing on his mind and how badly he misses them.
11. He still talks to them and hangs out with them without informing you
Sometimes people stay friends with their exes, especially if they were good friends before they started dating. But if your partner hangs out with his ex without even informing you, then he is not as honest in the relationship with you as he should be.
If he had no intentions of getting back with his ex and if he shared a healthy relationship with you, he wouldn’t mind telling you about hanging out with his ex.
12. He’s hot and cold
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It is easy to tell how a person feels about you if you watch their behavior. If someone genuinely likes you, their care and concern for you will be consistent. But if a person is unsure about their feelings about you, it will reflect in the inconsistency of their behavior.
If he goes on for days without talking to you and then comes back and showers you with love and affection, only to disappear again, he is not sure about his feelings for you and is just keeping you as an option.
13. He didn't choose to break up
Breakups are always hard, more so if the breakup wasn’t your choice. The person at the receiving end of the breakup has a hard time accepting that it is over.
A study of repeated relationship renewal in The Journal of Social Psychology found that "in addition to lingering feelings being a predominant reason for renewals, findings suggested uncertainty about what the preceding breakup indicated, not having dated others after breakups, and feeling the on-off nature improved the relationship were all related to an increased chance of renewals."
His mind struggles for closure. He keeps on wondering, “What did I do wrong?”, “Why couldn’t I read the signs that it is going to end?”, “What could I have done differently to save the relationship?”
If your partner is still struggling with these questions in his mind, he is definitely not over his ex, and he needs some time to sort his feelings before he can move forward in another relationship.
Shweta Advani is an HR consultant by profession, a slam poet, and a freelance writer.
