5 Ways To Lean On Your Partner When It Feels Like The World Is On Fire
Improve communication with your partner when the world feels chaotic and overwhelming.
Antonio_Diaz | Canva Relationships are one of life’s most beautiful offerings. But, what may feel like a gift on some days can feel more like a labor of love — with emphasis on the "labor" — on others.
Relationship stress is a part of life and can stem from a myriad of reasons — including times of distress around the world. While relational tension may be the default effect during times of distress, it doesn’t have to be. The key to staying connected with your partner during times of worldwide distress is communication.
Here are 5 ways to lean on your partner when it feels like the world is on fire:
1. Talk without criticizing
Use "I" statements, which allow for clarity and expression of feelings while avoiding the initiation of a blame game. According to research from 2018, I-statements can help reduce conflict. It may be helpful to explain what you’re trying to accomplish before employing these statements with your partner.
2. Listen without judging
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Speaking from the heart takes courage. Remove judgment from the equation and allow you and your partner to say what you think and feel without the presence of fear.
3. Connect around and beyond differences
Engage your curiosity! No two people nor two perspectives are the same.
Choose to see these differences as unique qualities, rather than antagonists of conflict. Explore and empathize — you might be surprised by what you find while taking a walk in your partner’s shoes.
4. Remove negativity
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Anything that is experienced as negative — by you or your partner — creates anxiety and disrupts feelings of safety, and that ruptures connecting.
5. Express affirmations
Encourage an optimistic mindset by regularly expressing affirmations to your partner. For example, this can be as simple as "I really appreciate when you ..."
Saying "thank you" to your partner can boost feelings of love, according to a study from the University of Illinois. When you subtract negativity and add affirmations, you create an environment of safety. You can survive in a dangerous environment but thrive only in a safe one.
It is important to remember that the absence of conflict is not necessarily a sign of a healthy relationship. Inevitably, some kind of conflict will surface. The sign of a healthy relationship is the ability to reconnect quickly with one another after conflict arises and is resolved.
By implementing these five practices into your relationship, your connections will reach new heights. And when conflict rears its head, you will be more prepared than ever to rapidly repair and reconnect.
Harville Hendrix, Ph. D., is a couples therapist with over 40 years of experience as a counselor, educator, clinical trainer, author, and public lecturer and has received many awards for his work with couples. He and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, co-created Imago Relationship Therapy, a therapy for couples now practiced by over 2,200 certified therapists in 30 countries.