If You Want Your Partner To Feel Truly Loved, Try Saying These 11 Phrases
Grow your connection by saying the right things first.
Delmaine Donson | Canva If you want to get your partner to open up to you emotionally so you can deepen your bond and enhance your intimacy, you need to think about what you say and how you say it. Some words and phrases can push your partner away, while others can bring you closer together as a couple.
Men and women have major communication differences and tend to respond differently to various words and phrases. Therefore, I'm sharing two different lists below: One for phrases to say to men and the other with phrases to say to a woman.
You'll also find a list of things not to say to a man if you want to build closeness with him. Of course every partner is different, so try out what feels right to you and follow through with what works for you and your unique relationship. In total, there are 11 suggestions you can mix and match for your unique partner!
If you want a woman to feel loved, try saying these phrases
If she seems distant, here are 6 simple phrases to connect and get her to open up to you.
1. "I understand how you feel, I'd feel the same way"
Words such as this convey that you identify with her, and they validate her feelings, which is what she wants. She simply needs to feel heard, and to know you feel compassion for her, so steer clear of trying to fix her problem (which is often difficult, as men are wired to try to help) or offering any unsolicited advice, such as anything starting with "You should…"
2. "Know that I'm here for you, and I always will be"
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She needs to know you aren't going to take off at the first sign of difficulties and you're in the relationship for the long haul, as shown in a study of perceptions of stability and satisfaction in marriage. These words will make her feel secure, safe, and comfortable, and will convey to her that you won't abandon her.
3. "I'm on your side. What can I do to help?"
Let her know you are united as a couple and it's the two of you against the others (whoever the others are). She wants to feel taken care of and supported, and she needs to know the two of you are a team.
4. "I don't know where I'd be without you — you mean everything to me"
While men tend to want to feel needed, women tend to want to feel cherished. Language such as this conveys to her you value her and recognize her worth, which goes a long way toward making her feel connected to you.
5. I statements
It also helps to show her your vulnerable side by using "I" statements to let her know your feelings, such as "I feel overwhelmed by everything we have going on." If you express your feelings in this manner, she will feel much more connected to you and will naturally start to open up to you with her feelings, as evidenced in the Journal of Family Psychology.
6. "Honey, you are so beautiful. I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have you"
Lastly, if physical intimacy is on your mind, instead of saying "Wow baby, you look hot," try "Honey, you are so beautiful. I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have you." Then give her a long, warm hug, holding onto her until she lets go. Then you can tell her how hot she looks — you just dramatically increased your odds of getting what you want.
Here are 5 phrases to use with a man
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If he seems distant, here are 6 simple phrases to connect and get him to open up to you.
1. "I need.."
A man likes to be seen as the protector. Research demonstrates that when a woman tells him she needs him to hold her, to listen, or to do something specific for her or an anniversary, he knows how to succeed and is motivated to do so.
2. "I am afraid..."
If she says, "I am afraid we are losing touch with each other, and it helps me to hear you talk about your feelings, even your frustrations, so we know what the problems are," he is more likely to risk talking about problems he doesn't have a solution to because she has framed it by saying, "Talking about problems is part of the solution for me."
3. "It is so important to me..."
Starting a conversation by volunteering her feelings first also makes it less threatening. "It is so important to me that I know what you think," is more inviting than "What are you feeling?" to a man. A man's response to the latter usually ranges from "How will my answer get me into trouble?" to "Am I supposed to know what I am feeling?"
4. "I miss you..."
In the same way, "Why are you always away from home?" is not as inviting or endearing as "I miss you when you are not around home."
5. "I love it when..."
If she says, "I love it when you tell me about when we first met and how you felt that night," he is more likely to comply, because it's specific.
Here are 4 phrases not to use with a man
These four phrases can shut him down and he won't open up to you.
1. "Why do you always..."
Questions that begin with "Why do you" or "Why can't you" imply judgment or criticism, to which the man will respond with shame and defensive anger. This tends to close down conversations or send up roadblocks of defensive counter-criticism.
2. "Why can't you..."
If you need to tell your man you are angry, it can be helpful to stress the need part: "I need to tell you something." "I am upset because of something, and I need your help in getting it straightened out." This is less challenging and intimidating than an accusation, and it is also the truth.
3. "What are you thinking"
You need to approach it from the point of view that your anger is your problem, and asking him to help you fix it is asking for his help.
4. "You know what sets me off"
The alternative would be, "I'm angry and if you don't fix it, whether you know how to or not, you are going to have a problem." That is asking for a fight.
While we're of the same species, men and women communicate very differently. Men tend to use language to make a specific point or convey specific information, while women tend to use language to bond with and feel a connection with their partner.
Jane Garapick is a dating and relationship coach, author, and founder of Getting to True Love. She inspires, supports, and empowers women on their journey to find true love.
Brock Hansen, LCSW, author of Shame and Anger: The Criticism Connection, is a clinical social worker and personal effectiveness coach with over thirty years of experience in counseling individuals with a variety of problems related to shame and anger.