If You Want The Healthiest Relationship, You Have To Break This One Bad Habit
Too often, people don't realize they're stuck in this pattern.
KIRAYONAK YULIYA via Shutterstock We've all heard about co-dependency in relationships, which, according to The Cleveland Clinic, is a relationship where "one person may be giving much more time, energy and focus to the other person, who consciously or unconsciously takes advantage of the situation in order to maximize their needs and desires" among other features.
But there is another common dependency issue many people have never heard of: counter-dependency. And if you want to have the healthiest relationship possible for you, you need to break not just a co-dependency habit, but your counter-dependency
The habit you must break in order to have the healthiest relationship
According to relationship coach Kim Polinder, "Counter-dependency is an inability to trust others." Those who have counter-dependency problems are hyper-independent on the surface. They are self-reliable and don't need much help.
However, is there such a thing as too much independence? Polinder says, "Healthy independence is when you know you can effectively control your life, and you seek appropriate dependence and connection with others."
If you aren't sure if counter-dependency is an issue in your relationship, ask yourself, "Do I have deep, dependable, long-lasting relationships with people in my life?" if so, you like don't have an issue with counter-dependency, or at least it's not extreme.
Polinder explains, "Counter-dependent people will avoid relying on others at all costs because that will just lead to disaster." Moreover, people who are counter-dependent have a hard time being close to others.
Is counter-dependency ruining your relationship?
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If you're counter-dependent you might find yourself always having to be right in an argument. Polinder continues, "You reject authority figures or advice from others. You refuse to ask for help. You expect perfection in your life and others."
All of these small issues can boil over into bigger issues and impact your relationship in the long run. Research on defensive communication supports how your relationship progress with your partner will begin to feel attacked as your defensive nature comes into play.
So, if this sounds like you, it's important to seek professional help or use free self-help tools to address these underlying issues.
Otherwise, this dependency could harm your relationship and cause it to sour.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.