3 Unusual Things Wives Do That Turn Husbands Off, According To Experts
You might have flipped his switch the wrong way.
PeopleImages | Canva Turn-ons and turn-offs are a common topic to discuss at some point in your early relationship as you get to know each other's physical love language. Now, it seems the topic of sex and intimacy has disappeared along with late-night love sessions or early-morning wake-up sex. What happened? Where did the physical expression of love go?
Here are 3 unusual things wives do that turn husbands off, according to Yourtango experts:
1. Giving sexual feedback in a cruel or hostile way.
Good sexual feedback depends a lot on the tone and volume in which it is delivered. A perfect example is the wife who harshly and loudly told her husband, who was touching one of her breasts in a less mindful way than she wanted, " I have two of those, you know?" Of course, I sympathize with the woman's irritation and her wish to get the annoying stimulus to stop so she could get back to the kind of touch that brought her pleasure. It can take a lot of focus to stay turned on, and it is essential to ask for what you need sexually.
I always encourage my couples to communicate during sex. But the "how" in the communication process is critical. If the goal is not to shut the entire sexual interlude down, if she wants him not to feel startled and hurt, if she wants him to learn how to please her, then she has to be mindful of how she delivers the feedback. So instead, imagine the wife softly and sweetly saying, " Honey, could you touch my other breast too?" Or, imagine her gently moving his hand to a part of her anatomy where she would enjoy being touched.
I work with so many people who grew up in harsh and neglectful families. I often hear, " I can't imagine talking to my partner in such a kind way." But I want to encourage you because you can learn to talk to your partner like this!
— Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D. Author, Psychologist, and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist
2. Bombarding their partners with grievances
Instead of a friendly greeting when they see their husbands after the workday, some wives bombard them with grievances. This casts an immediate chill and makes some men dread coming home. A better time to discuss problems is after dinner or after the kids are in bed when you can mutually discuss how each other's day went. Think about it: if you come home tired after a long day, do you want to be greeted by a list of complaints or a relaxing, "Hi, honey, I'm glad to see you!" I think you know the answer.
— Dr. Gloria Brame, Sex Therapist
3. Significant changes to their partner's appearance
The biggest turn-off that husbands complain about is when their spouse changes their appearance with plastic surgery or even hair color! I have had several clients who had their breasts augmented to make their breasts bigger or smaller, which led to a breakup. The women have confided in me they feel secure now they are married but have always wanted to change their body image without thinking of the consequences for their partner.
Men have told me they fell in love and married the person of their dreams, so making any visual changes is a dealbreaker!
— Dr. Ava Cadell, Clinical Sexologist & AASECT Certified Sex Counselor
What has been turning him off can be changed in most situations where the relationship has a healthy foundation. You might want to rethink the complete style make-over, save discussing problems until after you have reconnected with him at the end of the work day, and deliver criticism with kind compassion, And you can get the hot love back in your marriage.
Will Curtis is a writer and editor for YourTango. He's been featured on the Good Men Project and taught English abroad for ten years.