Psychology Says If These 11 Unmistakable Signs Are Present, Someone's Really Into You
If you're wondering, you probably already know the answer.
filadendron | Canva I had my first boyfriend in fifth grade. I knew he was my boyfriend because he passed me a note in class that said “Do you want to go out with me,” and underneath, he’d drawn two boxes, marked “yes” and “no.”
Everyone knew that “going out” meant being boyfriend and girlfriend. Also, we knew we weren’t going to go out anywhere because we were too young to go out on dates. Still, if you got the note and checked the box, it was official: he was your boyfriend.
Thirty years later, I only wish it were still that easy. So, how can we whether someone's really into you? Good news: Psychological research suggests there are clear signs.
If these unmistakable signs are present, someone's really into you:
1. You’ve met their friends
If someone is serious about you, they'll introduce you to their best buds pretty quickly. For one thing, they'll want to show you off, and for another, they'll want their approval. When you’re in with their friends, you’re in.
2. They plan fun activities or take you to dinner — and pay
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Do they only ever come by to Netflix and chill, and do they expect you to order and pay for takeout? Not an official partner.
A 2021 study concluded that partners planning fun activities together is essential for relationship satisfaction. Sharing leisure time and engaging in exciting experiences with your partner can increase feelings of closeness, connection, and overall relationship quality while reducing boredom and fostering positive emotions within the partnership.
3. They're not seeing anyone else
If you’re not sure whether they've deactivated their online dating profiles, and you’re scared to initiate a conversation about whether or not you’re monogamous, then you’re not in permanent territory yet. Only when they've told you they're not dating other people can they qualify for boyfriend or girlfriend status.
4. They take you home to meet their parents
This is one of the more obvious signs that they're serious about you, but it’s not 100 percent foolproof. Especially at the holidays, make sure they're not just desperate to get mom and dad off their back by bringing you home, then planning to ghost you in January.
5. They know when your birthday is
They also remember — and celebrate! — it. Relationship research from UCLA supports the importance of celebrating birthdays. One study found that couples who celebrated each other’s birthdays formed more robust attachments than couples who did not. Interestingly, how couples celebrated important events predicted their success even more than how they fought.
6. You follow each other on social media
Yeah, yeah, social media is poisonous to relationships, and it’s probably destroying the fabric of our society.
Still, they should have no problem being friends with you on Facebook and connecting on any other social media platforms the two of you use. If they refuse, there’s a reason — and it won’t be anything good.
7. They know your parents’ and siblings’ names
If they're your boyfriend or girlfriend, they'll have the basics of your bio and family relationships down cold — because it matters to them.
An early study published in the Journal of Social Psychology explained that a partner's interest in your family can often be tied to a subconscious desire for familiarity and connection. People tend to be attracted to individuals who share similarities with their parents or caregivers, sometimes even unconsciously seeking out partners who resemble them positively, creating a sense of comfort and belonging.
8. You can talk to them about anything
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There aren’t certain topics you’re afraid to bring up or things that are off-limits to discuss. He’s an open book, which fosters trust. This fosters deep intimacy, trust, and overall relationship satisfaction. Poor communication is often cited as a significant factor in relationship difficulties.
A 2022 study published in Brain, Behavior, and Immunity concluded that the ability to disclose thoughts and feelings openly, even the difficult ones, is a key foundation for a healthy partnership. Bottling up emotions or secrets can lead to tension, resentment, and distance within the partnership.
9. They're honest with you
When you do talk to them about anything and everything, you never get the sense that they're lying to you. Sure, a little bit of harmless deception has its place in every relationship, but they're not keeping important things from you or outright lying.
10. Your lives are intertwined
Someone who isn’t your partner will keep their relationship with you compartmentalized, not letting you into every part of their life. But when they're truly your person, the two of you are together. You’re a team. Again, it’s all about trust.
The phenomenon of intertwined lives between partners, often called emotional interdependence, occurs when individuals in a close relationship significantly influence each other's emotions, behaviors, and even physiological states. This leads to a sense of shared experiences and aligned well-being.
A 2017 study concluded that this includes how couples can synchronize their emotions, stress levels, and even physiological responses like heart rate, demonstrating a deep connection and mutual influence.
11. You just know
Listen: if you’re reading this list and obsessing over whether or not they're your romantic partner, then the painful truth is, they probably aren’t. When you know, you know. If they won’t commit, and you want a partner, spare yourself further heartache and move on.
Like my mother always said, relationships are like buses. Another one comes along every fifteen minutes.
Elizabeth Laura Nelson is a writer based in Brooklyn, New York. Formerly the managing editor of Woman’s World and First for Women, she has written for numerous websites including xoJane, Elite Daily, YourTango, and more.