2 Vital Traits Empathic Women Who Grew Up Being Their Family’s ‘Glue’ Need In A Partner, According To A Certified Mindset Coach
They need someone who can make them feel seen and validated.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock An empath is someone who feels and experiences the emotions of others, which can be both a blessing and a curse. While empaths can connect deeply with family and friends, they often do so at their own expense.
As an empath and eldest daughter, I grew up constantly catering to my family, causing me to develop a hyperawareness of their needs and emotional well-being, but it led to an insuperable amount of anxiety and self-neglect that I still struggle with today.
As such, women who took on a parentified role often struggle with matters of the heart. If you can relate to this, one mindset coach revealed two key attributes these women need in a partner.
A certified mindset coach described the experience of empathic women who grew up as the ‘glue’ that held their family together.
Aishah, who goes by @GirlLoveYourLife on TikTok, took to the app to discuss the experience of a parentified daughter, who grows up “managing the chaos of her environment.”
“She is the mediator between her parents and the mother figure to her siblings,” Aishah explained. “Her strategy to managing the chaos is to get ahead of the next issue, so she does this by trying to be proactive.”
With an empathic sense of vigilance, the parentified daughter becomes a chronic overthinker and mood monitor who tends to catastrophize every situation. When spending time with her family, she closely observes their expressions and body language, often reading into subtle signs of potential crises.
“What’s going in her head sounds like, ‘Did that comment offend Mom? Does Dad feel left out? Sister’s quiet right now. Is she mad at me?’” Aishah detailed.
Because of their anxiety, these daughters “course correct” or redirect the context of their family’s environment to achieve the outcome they desire.
“She slips Mom a compliment, she changes the topic to something Dad likes to talk about, and she pulls sister aside to check in and make sure everything’s good,” Aishah illustrated.
While the level of empathy and awareness these daughters possess is remarkable, by consuming themselves with the needs and emotions of their family, they often neglect themselves in the process. It doesn’t help when these families additionally reinforce and uphold their daughter’s role as the “glue” that holds them together — this will only add to the anxiety and guilt she internalizes.
The mindset coach shared two vital traits these parentified women need in a partner.
“The combination of her hypervigilance of everyone else’s needs and her empathic nature causes her to be in a constant state of overwhelm and feeling stressed,” Aishah explained. “This is something she keeps completely to herself.”
Because the empathic parentified daughter truly believes it’s her responsibility to look after and relieve her family of stress, her ideal partner is someone who can help validate and co-regulate her anxiety. Aishah revealed the two key traits this partner should exhibit.
1. Emotional awareness
An empathic woman who immerses herself in her family’s needs deserves a partner who can be emotionally aware and attentive to her needs — someone who can truly see her and help her regulate her nervous system.
In moments when family members make last-minute requests to their parentified daughter, like visiting them for the weekend or helping mediate some form of conflict, she may struggle with turning them down in order to respect her boundaries.
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An ideal partner will be able to notice and acknowledge the shift in her mood. They’ll take the initiative to help redirect her anxiety and guilt by suggesting solutions that can benefit both her and her family.
By having a loving and observant partner by her side, the parentified daughter no longer feels isolated in her experience, and she begins to heal from her unhealthy attachments and form a deeper relationship with herself.
2. Intellectual playfulness
Intellectual playfulness is the ability to approach new ideas from a place of genuine curiosity and openness. Aishah explained how individuals with this quality enjoy discussing deep and meaningful topics in a playful and light-hearted manner.
Empathic parentified women deserve an intellectually playful partner who is eager to understand and connect with them — someone who can help them reflect on their beliefs and patterns.
“The reason why this is so healing for the parentified daughter is because she has spent her life trying to understand the people around her, and now, here’s somebody who’s curious about her and understanding how her mind works,” Aishah said. “She begins to feel seen in a way she’s never felt before.”
As she starts to experience life through the refreshing perspective of this ideal partner, the empathic parentified woman is able to peel back the layers of her heart and mind and learn about herself on a deeper level.
The empathic parentified daughter deserves a partner who complements her overly giving and hypervigilant nature.
Empathic parentified women tend to feel especially lonely in life because of their hypersensitivity to others. They can become engulfed in the needs of everyone around them, and they may not realize the damage this can do to their sense of self.
Parentification is a traumatic experience that causes individuals to grow up with strong feelings of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. They might struggle with boundaries and self-care more than others, and while they have the full capability of overcoming this on their own, having a supportive partner can certainly make a positive impact.
When these women find someone who will put them first for once, they begin to heal and recognize the significance and validity of prioritizing themselves, which can offer them a happier and healthier life.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.