10 Tiny Tips For Loving & Supporting Your Type-A Wife
Find your identity in a supporting role.
phattharachai Rattanachaiwong, Jenny Uhling, Osobystist | Canva Many challenges can come with a marriage dynamic where the wife is the primary earner while the husband stays at home or has a lower-paying job.
Socially, men are taught to base their identity on what they do in life, not on what they do at home, and women don't usually get socially recognized for bringing home the bacon. Another issue is the assumption the other partner may have a better situation. The man may think his wife is going out to enjoy lunch and happy hours with co-workers, but he doesn't see the stress of getting those co-workers to take her leadership seriously. The woman might feel her spouse is hanging out after he drops off the children, but he is struggling with his self-esteem and identity.
Here are 10 tips for loving and supporting your type-A wife.
1. Identify your comfortability with your role
I'm sure when you got married, you didn't expect you would be scheduling playdates and managing the home. If you don't like it, then be honest. Tell your wife but even more importantly, you will have to come up with a plan. If you don't, you will be stuck in an untenable situation.
2. Don't forget to pursue your interests
If you're comfortable with how the relationship is going, find something you are passionate about and pursue it while managing your other duties. Your Type-A wife doesn't care you aren't the primary breadwinner. What she does care about is you're actively doing something to make you strive to be the best person you can be.
3. Make sure the relationship doesn't become parental
If you hear phrases like, "You're like my third child!" or, "Do I have to ask you again? Can you please..." then sit your wife down and ask her, "Do you feel like you're my parent?" If she says, "Yes, sometimes," then it's time to re-evaluate your relationship. If she feels this way, you know sometimes she's going to treat you like a child, and the needs you have as her husband won't be met.
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4. Avoid being isolated
Having a social network is critical to being a stay-at-home husband. You don't want to feel you're managing your life alone and depend on your wife for support. If you were ever in the situation where your wife is now, remember how it felt. Most of the time, you need some space to relax and can't get it because your wife is looking to connect. And to top it all off, your wife is still probably doing more work around the house than you are. So, you can't get angry when she falls asleep from exhaustion.
5. Be nurturing when she needs it
Your wife may be kicking butt and taking names outside the house, but she's still a woman and wants to be reminded of that, so it's up to you to do it. What does that mean as the stay-at-home husband? You have to put your wife first. Be spontaneous. Buy her a gift, or schedule a date for lunch at her office, if possible.
6. Push back when warranted
In the office, a Type-A woman doesn't exert her will on coworkers or employees. Her position is constantly being challenged, but she stands up for her beliefs. At home, she wants the same thing. In other words, she wants you to have an opinion. Being a stay-at-home husband doesn't mean you don't have a voice. Remember marriage is about partnership and teamwork. If you have a conviction about an issue, share it so you can discuss it together.
7. Remind her you are dependable, responsive, and supportive
In other words, you are there for her — something other men might not be.
8. Figure out the best way to get more chores done
It's no secret that even when women make more money than us, they still do more housework. That has to be corrected. If you don't, it will cause your spouse to become resentful because she'll think, "You're not pulling your weight around here." So figure out the best tool to help you get projects accomplished. Either create lists or use a project management app, whatever works.
9. Create an atmosphere of romance
If romance and physical intimacy are important to you, you'll have to make it a priority. So, she makes more money than you, but that doesn't mean she will always be the initiator in the bedroom. You will still have to initiate intimacy at times. Take note if she is no longer doing romantic things, you should show her it's important to maintain a healthy intimate life.
10. Step up, so she can step back
No matter the situation, whether she has expressed her displeasure in your current situation or not, she is looking for you to take the pressure off.
A 2013 survey showed that among married, heterosexual couples in the U.S., a quarter of wives, or about 15 million women, are the primary breadwinners in their families.
This dynamic isn't going away. As women have more opportunities to excel in business and society, as her husband you can stay home, or take a lesser role at work, for the benefit of the family to identify the best way to excel individually, as well as in the marriage.
Keith Dent is a writer, blogger, and certified empowerment coach. He is the author of In the Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love.