3 Tiny Things Couples Who Love Each Other Unconditionally Do Best
Don't start with different road maps for your relationship.
Bia Braz | Canva Showing unconditional love in a long-lasting marriage or relationship sounds easy. But any successful couple will tell you it takes more than just loving a partner to ensure they stay together. To have a healthy relationship that evolves into being able to offer and receive unconditional love, both partners must have a few things in common.
Here are 3 tiny things couples who love each other unconditionally do best:
1. Have similar beliefs
One factor can help ensure any couple has a successful marriage. It is having faith and belief about life and career. People have said you don’t need to have the same beliefs for a successful marriage. While I agree to some extent, it goes deeper than most think.
Today, with the divorce rate going between 40-50 percent, it is vital for couples to learn and grow together, not apart. We are conditioned to believe our partner should make us happy about everything. Yet, that is far from reality. Couples who are happy and continually show their love for each other have similar beliefs about who they are, what goals they seek, and how they receive love. Through the years, I've never found one couple who exhibited true unconditional love and didn’t have beliefs that benefited both of them. They were on the same wave, so to speak!
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2. Set goals
Most people today do not set goals for their life and career. Sure, most will say they know what they want, but they never write it down and measure their progress continually. Mark McCormick, the author of What They Don’t Teach You At Harvard Business School, asked the graduating class of Harvard Business School one question, "How many of you set goals?" He found that 84 percent said they did not have any goals, 13 percent said they have goals but not in writing, and 3 percent said they have written goals.
Mark followed that class for ten years. After ten years, the results he discovered were interesting. The 13 percent that said they had goals but didn’t write them down earned twice as much income as the 84 percent that had no goals. However, the 3 percent who had written goals earned ten times more than the other 97 percent. If money is one of the significant problems in marriages today, and I believe it is, then setting goals must be set and measured continually. And, by the way, those goals must benefit both individuals in the relationship.
3. Practice effective communication
To be successful in any relationship, communication must be understood and practiced. Your success will rise and fall directly to your communication skills with your spouse and those around you.
Too many couples take communication for granted. Yet, taking the time to improve your communication skills will benefit you in achieving your goals and reaching your destiny in life. I have learned a lot about communication in the past 20 or 30 years, but most people still do not realize the power of communication and how it can propel you into your destiny. I have learned valuable principles by reading studies and listening to men and women who have documented evidence of the tremendous power of communication.
I have put into practice principles that allow me to do more than I ever dreamed possible by knowing how to communicate the right message to my spouse and myself. When two people meet and communicate, one or the other changes the way they feel or act as influenced by more than mere words.
Greater than words is our vocal quality. What are voice qualities? Voice qualities include tone, timbre, volume, or speed with which we speak. This is nothing new because we have known for years that it’s not what you say when you communicate as much as how you say it that determines the result.
However, the most significant influence on a person to change how they feel or act is physiology — or how we use our physical body. Facial expressions, muscular tension, gestures, and posture are part of physiology. Have you ever made a statement to someone, and they responded, "Sure," but at the same time, they rolled their eyes, and their voice went from low to high? What were they communicating with you? That it will never happen. Why? Their words were right, but their voice and body language didn’t match.
Behavioral scientists say that our communication must be congruent to be believable, which means that all three — our words, voice, and physiology — must match. When they all agree, you hold the power to influence others to change. This is especially important when communicating with your spouse.
I remember how much I wanted to be married as a young boy. I remember even praying to God to provide me with a great wife and allow us to have sons. I wanted to be married so bad that every woman I dated was a potential candidate for marriage. I had no interest in casual dating. I wanted a life partner. I finally found the woman for me, and for the past 43 years, I’ve thanked God daily for the wonderful wife I believe He prepared just for me.
Now, we know that many people may not believe that God designs just one person for them, and that may be true, but my wife Charlotte and I do believe if two people with the same commitment and desire fall in love, they will be the perfect mate for each other and their marriage can thrive. One of the main problems with most newlyweds is they start with different road maps for married life. Each partner enters marriage with a different set of directions.
These differences are assumptions about roles, expectations about how to spend time and money, and beliefs about children, not to mention the inherited mental, physical, and spiritual baggage that follows each person. Getting married is a huge step for many couples, and to unconditionally love your partner, you need to know what it takes for relationships to last for so long.
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When you say, "I love you," you must do it with all communication methods. Saying the words while lying on the sofa watching television and eating popcorn will not be received as a true statement. However, looking them in the eye while holding their hand and saying "I love you" will get you a positive response. There are many other factors and important relationship advice to discuss, but every couple who decides to marry should put these three to work immediately. Your ability and desire to express unconditional love will grow.
Donny Ingram is an author, motivational speaker, trainer, and founder of Ingram Management Group. For the last twenty-eight years, he has worked in sales & marketing as well as training and development for both government and corporate America.