2 Things Women Do That Seem Charming, But Actually Turn Guys Off
Learning how to avoid these conversational traps can also help people in work and friendships.
Abigail Keenan | Unsplash I've noticed two common habits in women's communication with others that are unwittingly killing their confidence — and probably pushing away the healthy, happy guys they most want to attract.
Becoming aware of these habits and learning to break them will give your confidence a boost and stop turning off potential love interests.
There's an added benefit to un-learning these habits, as they also push people away in friendships and professional settings. Learning how to avoid these old flirtation styles can also help you avoid them as communication traps.
Here are two things women do that seem charming but push good guys away
1. You dismiss compliments
This happens when you’re given a compliment and respond by discounting it.
Let’s say someone compliments you on what you’re wearing, and you say, "This old thing? It’s nothing".
Someone you haven’t seen in a while tells you that you look great, and you respond with something like, "Oh, I’m so out of shape. I need to lose a few pounds."
Perhaps you get praise for a job well done on a project at work, and you respond with, "It was nothing. Anyone could have done it".
The one response to a compliment that makes me cringe is, "You’re just saying that to be nice."
Whenever I bring this up, women in confidence-building workshops tell me, "Well we have to respond like that, otherwise people will think I'm conceited". "That’s the truth, that’s how women think, I know, I am one."
When you discount a compliment, you’re telling the person who complimented you they’re lying to you, or they didn’t mean what they said. The problem is you're casting judgment upon them as though you know what their true intention was for complimenting you.
The truth is, you have no idea what the person complimenting you is thinking. Who are you to determine what it is they meant?
To become more confident, don’t discount compliments. Instead, simply say "Thank you", with grace and dignity in response to a compliment. After all, do you ever give compliments just to be nice?
2. You minimize yourself
This is when you use the word "just" to describe yourself.
Years ago, when working in management, a team leader was outside my office waiting to speak to me as I was on the phone. When I hung up the phone, I asked, "Who’s next?"
The team leader entered my office and said, "Oh, it’s just me."
"Just you? You mean my team leader who keeps her team on task and running smoothly, giving me peace of mind knowing that work is getting done efficiently, who always has a positive attitude and is an asset to the organization?" I responded in all seriousness.
Lose the "just" when describing yourself.
Another woman once told me about the small group of ladies she gets together with to work out. She said she felt intimidated because the women she trained with were successful doctors and lawyers, and she was "just a mom."
Just a mom? Moms rock! I would know, I’m married to one, and she’s a rock star. I know how much work, sacrifice, effort, and love moms give their children, and there is nothing trivial about it.
I told her, "You’re not just a mom. You are responsible for raising your children to be happy, healthy, productive members of society. What more important role in life is there? If I were to ask your children about you, would they tell me she’s just a mom?"
Of course not.
A recruiter once told me these pesky habits can ruin your consideration during a job interview. Employers want confident candidates. Eliminate these habits to boost your confidence.
There’s no need to discount a compliment. You are never "just" anything. You are far greater than you think.
Craig Nielson is a Professional Coach, Speaker, and Educator who assists clients via his company, My Internal Image.