12 Things Couples In Emotionally Immature Relationships Always Do
If these signals are present, a couple may be in a relationship that's too childish for lasting love.
MaleWitch | Canva One of my biggest issues in dating is that I tend to have a weakness for men who are boyish and full of this fun-loving sense of adventure. There’s something about their carefree outlook that I just melt for.
I love how they love to party. I love their silly sense of humor. But on the flip side, while holding on to a degree of immaturity may be fun, too much can create problems in relationships.
Whether we like it or not, there is a certain level of emotional maturity couples need in a relationship before they can have a serious partnership that has the resilience and strong foundation necessary to go the distance and unfortunately, couples in emotionally immature relationships usually exhibit some red flags.
When it comes to how you relate to each other, a resulting inability to compromise and/or honor your commitments is likely to doom your relationship. If you want your love to survive, you need to be sure your relationship and you, as a couple, are emotionally mature enough to even have a chance.
Here are the things couples in emotionally immature relationships always do:
1. One or both of you is deeply self-centered
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Beware the ones who can only talk about themselves and think about things that relate to them. This is usually a sign of narcissism, gross immaturity, or both.
After all, real adults get past the “me” phase of toddlerdom when they’re three or so. If they can’t see that there are other people in the world, they shouldn’t be in a relationship.
2. One or both of you cares about the number of partners the other has had
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If someone doesn't feel comfortable that their significant other person has had "too many" partners, they've got issues.
This isn’t just an insecurity thing, either. People who can’t understand that others are intimate beings who may have had a past before have serious double standards in their minds.
With maturity, these double standards tend to fall by the wayside. However, it’s not your role to convince them of this. Your role is to find someone who likes you for your personality rather than your so-called “purity.”
People generally care about the number of past partners someone has had, with a trend toward viewing a moderate number of partners as more desirable than a very low or very high number.
This is often explained by evolutionary factors related to assessing potential commitment and reproductive fitness. However, a study published in Frontiers in Psychology found this preference can vary depending on individual values and the type of relationship sought, with little evidence of a significant double standard between genders.
3. One or both of you can’t discuss things that make you uncomfortable
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The biggest issue immature people tend to have in relationships is communication. Emotionally abusive behaviors like stonewalling, cold-shouldering, or lashing out in anger when your partner brings up something that’s bothering you are all indicative of someone who never learned how to talk things out in a civilized manner.
Unfortunately, this kind of behavior will kill even the strongest love you could have for them in time.
4. One or both of you still acts like you're in high school
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We all know a person who never really matured beyond their high school years. These are the people who still can't stop thinking about who they've hooked up with and are obsessed with "being cool" and getting attention.
If they still act like they’re trying to show that they’re cooler than others, making mean digs at people they deem “nerds,” you can bet your bottom dollar that they will be a trainwreck within 10 years, tops.
This is often characterized by a lack of maturity, excessive focus on social validation, prioritizing the relationship above personal growth, and a tendency to rely on superficial aspects of the partnership. It mirrors the dynamics often seen in teenage relationships, where individuals are still developing their identities and navigating romantic relationships for the first time.
A 2021 American Psychological Association study recommended that you have honest conversations with your partner about your concerns and desires to achieve a more mature dynamic. Consider seeking professional guidance to address underlying issues affecting your relationship patterns if needed.
5. One or both of you of you expects the other to be their full-time caregiver
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No one goes into a relationship wanting to be a parent to their romantic partner. If they expect you to financially support them, cook for them, and clean up after them, you’re going to be in for a bad time.
Immature relationships like this are just not healthy and often end with one partner deeply resenting the other.
6. One or both of you refuses to take blame for mistakes
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This isn’t just an immaturity issue — this is potentially a warning sign of a personality disorder. In a mature relationship, both partners can admit when they’re wrong.
If they can’t do that, there’s no way they can actually improve anything in situations where they've done something to put the relationship in jeopardy.
7. One or both of you threatens to bail when things get hard
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Nothing says a relationship is doomed like a partner who flees when things get really bad. If they leave you after you get a cancer diagnosis or you tell them you’re pregnant, you should never give them a second chance, no matter what the explanation is.
They've already shown you how immaturely they handle a crisis. Even if they've supposedly changed, it’s not a risk you want to take.
8. One or both of you push the other's buttons on purpose
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People who purposefully do things that provoke you or make you angry often do so because they can’t confront their feelings about something you handled in a composed and mature way.
Even if it’s something subtle, this could still be considered abuse and is an indicator that the relationship isn’t worth pursuing on any level or for any reason.
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships explained that the concept of emotional triggers highlights how past experiences and vulnerabilities can lead partners to unintentionally activate sensitive areas in each other, often resulting in escalated conflict and relationship strain.
This dynamic is usually linked to unresolved childhood issues, attachment styles, and poor communication patterns.
9. One or both of you have absolutely no interest in keeping a job
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This is scarily common in many people in recent years. Unfortunately, though, what hasn't changed is that you still need to make money to stay alive and enjoy things, like eating.
If they simply can't be bothered to spend any time looking for a job and spend all day on the couch, you need to cut them loose. It's highly unlikely they'll contribute much of anything in the long run.
10. One or both of you don't know how to act in a socially appropriate manner in public
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Things like belching, talking insanely loudly, or being rude may seem cute to you, but when you two have to go on double dates, it’s going to be embarrassing.
Even the most open-minded of people will wonder why you’re with them, and by the end of the night, you probably will be asking yourself the same question too.
A 2023 study found that this often falls under the umbrella of social anxiety and explores concepts like the spotlight effect, where individuals overestimate how much attention others are paying to them, leading to discomfort in social situations.
Deindividuation is where people may behave differently in large crowds due to a sense of anonymity, and civil inattention refers to the unspoken social norm of maintaining a minimal level of interaction with strangers in public to avoid awkwardness.
11. One or both of you are constantly worried about what other people think
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Especially in light of the above, this may seem like a good thing (at first), but it’s not.
If other people's opinions matter more than theirs or your own, you’re looking at an immature, approval-seeking servant to the whims of others. They'll forget all about working toward progressing your relationship.
12. One or both of you turn into a doormat around your parents
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Even if they're the CEO of a multimillion-dollar corporation, someone who is under the total control of one or both of their parents will not be a partner who is mature enough for you to marry.
Unless you want to deal with their mom as much as they do, it would be best to continue the search — for someone better.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer who mainly focuses on lifestyle, food, finance, and relationships.