Therapist Explains The 12 'Green Flags' That Women Look For When Visiting A Man's Home
Unsurprisingly, most are bare minimum expectations for a clean person’s space.
M_Agency / Shutterstock.com If you’ve ever dated men, specifically straight cis-gender men, you know the internal battle it takes to spend a night in their home — unless, of course, you got blessed by the Hinge gods of competency and interior design.
Jeff Guenther, best known as a TikTok-savvy therapist and the author of "Big Dating Energy," shared the “green flags” in a man’s home women look for that spark a sense of comfort, safety, and even intimacy.
Here are the 12 ‘green flags’ women look for in a man’s home, according to a therapist:
1. A bidet
With disgusting discourse suggesting some straight men don’t clean well enough in the shower, it’s not surprising that the sight of a bidet in a potential partner's bathroom would bring a sense of relief to a woman. A sense of calm that he’s clean … everywhere.
“Buy one online and hook it up to your toilet,” Guenther casually suggested. “Ladies love it, but it will also change your life forever. Trust me.”
2. A throw blanket on the couch
While it’s typically a staple in any woman’s space, a throw blanket in a man’s home just hits differently. Are we going to use it when it’s cold before complaining or snuggling up to you? The answer is almost always the same: no. But it’s the thought that counts.
Especially for the women who’ve shown up to their date’s home only to be confronted by a box spring, cardboard TV stand, and a sad little mattress pad as decoration — it’s a step in the right direction. Again, it might be the bare minimum, but it’s still appreciated.
3. Clean sheets on the bed that aren’t navy or black
“Dark sheets are not as [cool] as you think, guys,” Guenther admitted. “They’re just ugly.”
While patterned and plaid sheets are all the rage currently, the TikTok interior designers and aesthetic Pinterest photos are absolutely not talking about this kind of colored bedspread. What are you trying to hide with black sheets? Are you trying to get away with not washing them twice a month? Or are you simply too egotistical to go to Target and buy new white ones?
It’s scary … almost more than the aforementioned box spring. You’re not “proving” any kind of masculinity to women — not that they expect any kind to begin with — by using the same sheets your 10-year-old brother keeps on his twin bed at home.
4. A clean bathroom, void of hair on the counter
Before you re-enter the dating space, whether you’re in your early twenties or late sixties, consider for a moment that cleanliness might not be an inherent trait. Just picture it: you show up at your date’s home after an incredible night of dancing, eating, and drinking, only to come face-to-face with his beard trimmings from the same morning.
Clean your mirrors. Clean your vanities. Make sure, for goodness sake, that there’s toilet paper stocked in your bathroom. Let’s save any kind of embarrassing bathroom nightmare for later on in the relationship.
While he was seemingly on board with the rest of the bare minimum cleanliness expectations, Guenther did provide a warning for the girls — “Ladies, I don’t think you understand how incredibly difficult it is to get every single one of your beard trimmings off the vanity … cut us a little slack with this one.”
5. Candles
Look good, smell good, feel good. Speaking on behalf of all women, we’d appreciate it if this phrase also applied to your 1-bedroom apartment, frat house, or Midtown rental. On top of that, what more could you ask for to set the mood?
“What’s more romantic than candles? Absolutely nothing,” he added. “Also, there were lots of requests for lights that dim, so maybe go nuts and invest in those smart lights.”
Pheelings media / Shutterstock
Studies show that low lighting actually holds significant power in affecting our emotions, feelings, and general mental health. So yes, investing in that lamp now could save us from arguing about the mother-in-law situation in 5 years.
6. Specific hygiene products, including tampons, pads, and body washes
“Ask your best girlfriends what products you should have and then go buy all the things,” he recommended for men. But, let’s be honest, would you be more relieved or concerned if there was a stack of pads and makeup wipes in your date’s bathroom?
While some commenters agreed that men having “feminine products” would be a green flag, others were skeptical as to how they’d react if there was a tampon on their date's vanity. “I’m weirdly unnerved by period products,” one person honestly wrote. “I’d feel like I’m ‘one of many’ ... and strangely more concerned if they bought them under the assumption that I’d return to their place.”
So, be hesitant if you're considering having a bathroom drawer for your hookups, situation-ships, or first dates — maybe wait until you’ve established “what you are” with your date before heading to CVS.
7. Hand soap and a towel in the bathroom.
“On behalf of all men, I apologize. Do better.”
What more could you ask for? Well, technically, there’s a lot more you can and should ask for. Having a towel to wash your hands and soap to clean yourself in the bathroom, of all places, should be an expectation you don’t have to worry about maintaining. Have some integrity — wash your hands, even when nobody's looking.
8. Real fresh foods in the fridge
While it’s a nice thought to consider a farmer’s market date as the precursor to a hook-up, let this serve as a reminder that it’s incredibly important to nourish yourself on the inside before giving yourself to anyone else. For everyone’s sake.
Honestly, though, you’re an adult — you can maintain some greens, vegetables, and non-frozen meals in your fridge from time to time. In this economy, you might just be saving some money by shopping locally and supporting a produce farm instead of commuting to a chain grocer — and it’s hot!
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock
9. A trash can in the bathroom
“Preferably with a liner or a lid,” he relayed his followers’ requests, “but [they’ll] accept any sort of receptacle.” Again, if you’re going to stock tampons and pads in your bathroom, the least you could do is also have a trash can.
If there’s an issue with plumbing down the road, and you don’t have a trashcan in your bathroom, it will absolutely be your fault.
10. An animal, specifically a cat.
Pet owners already have a sense of empathy and compassion that the average Joe on the street might not — they’re giving up their time, energy, and love to care for another being. Not only is it representative of their ability as a parent, something you might care to know while dating someone, but it’s also just cute.
“Any [man with a] pet that happily greets or looks at you when you walk in the door was a specific green flag," he declared. "Become a cat daddy today!”
11. A ‘well-stocked’ bookshelf with female authors
Being well-read is sexy! Being inclusive with your taste in books is even more so! As Guenther mentioned, supported by his followers’ opinions, having a bookshelf in your home is a huge green flag — especially if it looks like you've actually read the books.
Being able to have an intelligent conversation with a date about a book that you love — especially from a female author or filled with women-specific experiences — is never going to disappoint (unless, of course, you didn’t read the book).
“Go grab some books and then listen to the audiobook version, so you can have an intelligent conversation about them!”
12. Thriving plants
Lastly, any man with a green thumb is an automatic green flag. Again, if you can take care of someone (or something) other than yourself, that’s a great indicator that you’ll be a great partner in a relationship.
Especially if your plants look happy, healthy, and well-fed — what more could you ask for?
At the end of the day, no man is the same as another; in the same way, we’re all incredibly unique in our own gender identities, personalities, sexualities, and likes and dislikes. This is a hyper-overgeneralization, yet still the unfortunate reality of many women dating cis-gender straight men.
Be clean, passionate about your hobbies, and emotionally intelligent, and you’ll be just fine.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.