If You Text A Guy Like This, He Probably Won't Take You Seriously
A dating expert shares three of the biggest mistakes women make.
DukiPh | Shutterstock Crushing on someone is probably one of the best feelings in the world. Flying high on the adrenaline from a crush can make you feel powerful, which is why it's so tempting to text your crush all day long. The problem is, there are texting mistakes that can cause a guy to back away and not take you seriously.
Dating coach Sabrina Zohar explains that even that person texting a few words or emojis can send you soaring — and that's exactly why you need to keep yourself in check. If you're not realistic about what this person is giving you, you can get hooked on someone who is never going to give you what you want.
The best thing to do? Take a pause. In an informative video, Zohar explains why and how and shares a wake-up call for the women who are coming on a little too strong in their texts.
Why he's not going to take you seriously if you text him like this
1. You are always the one who texts first
fizkes via Shutterstock
"Please stop texting people who aren't reciprocating the interest that you're showing them back," begins Zohar. I get it, texting and dating are so complicated. There are so many unspoken rules we don't even take into consideration.
If you are the only one reaching out or asking to hang out, this likely isn't the best sign. Likely, this person isn't interested in you and is dragging you along.
2. You text long sentences which he only 'likes' — or replies with one-word answers
Zohar continues, "This is where we have to stop and say, 'Wait a minute is this being reciprocated?'" How is this person choosing to respond to you? Are they truly reading your messages or simply just heart-reacting to a bunch of messages back?
If you're texting 100 words and he's texting back three, that is not reciprocal. You are probably driving him away by not reading his replies as saying "this is too much!"
3. He only asks to see you an hour or so in advance
As Sabrina Carpenter sang in Feather:
Oh, it's like that, I'm your dream come true
When it's on a platter for you
Then you pulled back when I try to make plans
More than two hours in advance
If you're trying to make plans with someone a few days in advance and he's only texting you right before he wants to come over, he does not take you seriously. When you keep trying, he's probably going to take you even less seriously going forward.
You are caught in the chase
"Because right now what's happening is you're in the chase and when you're in the chase it's not reciprocal," says Zohar. If you find yourself struggling to walk away from the person, it is a huge red flag.
Here's what going to happen if you continue the pattern, this person's negligence will only fuel your obsession even more, as supported by a study of romantic obsession. As Zohar explains, "Because that dopamine in the unpredictability is so hot."
You might be obsessing
Research demonstrates how your cortisol levels rise, your dopamine and all other neurotransmitters begin to fall. Which causes us to obsess and have a harder time letting go of this person. But then, what should we do?
First, your thought process right now is you're only safe with this one person. Meaning, we need to reverse the thought process and help our brain understand we're safe because we have ourselves.
Getting there won't be easy because we need to slowly withdraw ourselves from this person and stop texting them back if we want to heal and break the habit of over-texting and over-compensating.
As the University of New Hampshire writes, "A break-up is a loss, not only of the relationship but also the plans, dreams and hopes you shared with your partner."
This is why if you want to get over someone you need to do these things, according to the University of New Hampshire:
- Feel the feelings you've been neglecting.
- Reach out to loved ones who are supportive.
- Keep being hopeful about your bright future.
- Take care of yourself and your mental health.
Getting over a crush isn't easy. It's hard to slowly faze someone out of your life, especially if you've fallen for them. But surrounding yourself with loved ones and putting your mental health first, you can get there.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.