11 Subtle Signs Of A Not-So-Great Wife
Love isn't enough in a marriage where both partners aren't equal.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock In a marriage, it is important to note that nobody is perfect. Your spouse may have hard days where they act irrationally, emotionally, or even a bit cruel. Everyone has bad days, and our spouse will inevitably see us at our worst. But if that behavior becomes a consistent pattern, especially the wife in the marriage, it could be one of the more subtle signs of a not-so-great wife.
These behaviors can leave a person feeling unseen, unappreciated, or emotionally alone. And over time, this creates resentment that is sure to affect even the strongest relationships. While every marriage has its ups and downs, there are subtle clues to be wary of that might have people questioning the legitimacy of their relationship.
Here are 11 subtle signs of a not-so-great wife
1. She interrupts and talks over her partner constantly
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A not-so-great wife will attempt to make her partner's moments all about her. If they are trying to tell her about their day at work, she'll cut them off with details about her own day. If they politely ask her to lower her voice and minimize distractions while they're on the phone, she'll be as loud as possible.
Constantly interrupting your partner can be a dismissive act, signaling that their contributions to the conversation are not valued.
According to professional life coach Sherri Gordon, "Interruptions can make you feel insignificant and unimportant — that what you are trying to say isn't worthy of being listened to. Everyone wants to feel heard, but if you don't feel you are, the relationship can begin to erode."
When a wife is constantly interrupting and talking over the person she is supposed to be listening to, it can make them feel misunderstood and isolated, damaging communication and emotional connection.
2. She rarely apologizes even when she's in the wrong
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One of the more subtle signs of a not-so-great wife is her inability to apologize and admit when she's wrong or incorrect. For example, if she lashes out at her partner's family over something minor and they tell her that her behavior embarrassed them and would appreciate an apology, she will deflect any responsibility and blame her actions on everyone but herself.
No matter how wrong people may be, a simple apology goes a long way. Apologizing shows that a person values the relationship and is willing to take responsibility for their actions.
"An apology is not just a social nicety. It is an important ritual, a way of showing respect and empathy for the wronged person," therapist Beverly Engel, LMFT revealed. "It is also a way of acknowledging an act that, if otherwise left unnoticed, might compromise the relationship."
Even if apologizing may be difficult, those who truly love their partners will swallow their pride and do so when they recognize that they are in the wrong. Not-so-great wives can't seem to do that.
3. She never asks her partner about their emotional state
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A selfish wife is the center of her own world. It's always about her feelings and her pain, despite having a partner whose emotions are just as valid. She will expect her partner to hold her hand through tough moments and celebrate her triumphs alongside her, while completely neglecting the fact that she must extend the same treatment to her partner.
Showing genuine interest in how your partner is doing emotionally makes them feel seen, heard and supported. Unfortunately, some unhealthy marriages seem to neglect this very important part.
"Your partner will likely appreciate you checking in with them regularly — making time and effort to follow up shows you're thinking about them and that you care about what they're going through even if they haven't directly brought the subject up again," Adam England, a mental health advocate and writer, shared. "Challenges take time to be processed and navigated so your partner will likely need follow up care and support."
Marriage is about teamwork. However, not-so-great wives may be in it only for themselves.
4. She rarely initiates physical and emotional connection
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While everyone has their off days where they may not be interested in physical intimacy or emotional connection, a not-so-great wife will almost never initiate these kinds of connections with her partner.
The responsibility always seems to fall on her partner's shoulders. However, it takes two to tango. Marriages are built on mutual effort from both parties, with equal amounts of effort and support from both partners. One may plan lavish date nights while the other surprises them by cooking them their favorite meal.
When both partners give the relationship their all, they will experience a deeper connection and bond. All of the relationship maintenance should never fall on just one of them.
5. She never compromises
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In a selfish wife's world, it's her way or no way. She is unwilling to compromise with her partner on anything, which can be one of the more subtle signs of a not-so-great wife. For example, if she and her partner are discussing their annual trip and her partner suggests somewhere in the mountains since they enjoy skiing, the wife may reply, "I don't like the mountains. It's either the beach or we're just not going."
It is not about what her partner wants, It is about her and only her. By refusing to compromise, she is showing her partner that she doesn't value their needs, desires and opinions if they differ from her own. This can break trust and respect within the relationship.
"It's not fair for either one of you to get your way all the time, so compromise helps ensure that both partner's views are heard and a mutually beneficial solution is worked out accordingly. Compromise entails a mutual respect and regard for each other's feelings and needs... It requires both partners to cooperate with each other and make adjustments to accommodate each other," mental health writer Sanjana Gupta revealed.
6. She's not appreciative of her partner
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Even when their partner goes above and beyond to spoil her, a not-so-great wife never demonstrates appreciation. Her partner might say to her, "I cleaned up the kitchen, folded the laundry, and made your favorite chicken tonight. Thought you could use a break," and she will just huff and respond with, "Well that's what you're supposed to do" without a single thank you.
She is constantly downplaying her partner's effort instead of acknowledging it. Even though acts of kindness are expected in relationships, a little bit of appreciation can greatly impact the overall emotional health of a relationship over time.
7. She makes everything about her
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A wife who makes everything about her lives in a world of "me, me, me," despite being in a marriage with another person. She expects her partner to drop everything at a moment's notice for her without ever believing she should do it herself.
She doesn't celebrate her partner's accomplishments. She doesn't comfort them when they're upset or scared. She doesn't care to talk about their emotional or physical health. Instead, she has to ensure that every moment is centered around her, and it's incredibly selfish and demeaning.
8. She guilts-trips to get her way
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If her partner says, "I'm really tired tonight. Maybe we could stay home and cook dinner instead of going out," instead of showing compassion and rescheduling their plans, a wife like this may reply with, "Wow, I guess spending time with me just isn't that important to you anymore."
She isn't just expressing her disappointment; she is using emotional pressure to make her partner feel bad for setting a boundary in an attempt to get her way through guilt-tripping. Rather than accepting her partner's needs, she questions their love and priorities for expressing human emotions. Over time, this guilt-tripping can lead to resentment and emotional exhaustion.
9. She doesn't take accountability
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When she refuses to take accountability and feels like she can do no wrong, it's one of the unfortunate but subtle signs of a not-so-great wife. Because she is perfect in her own mind, there is no reason for her to take accountability, even if she absolutely should.
Nothing is ever her fault, and her partner is always to blame. This only hinders communication and connection in her marriage, since relationships are ultimately built upon trust and respect. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Jason Whiting, PhD, "Chronic defensiveness prevents growth and change and is a predictor of divorce and relationship failure... Of course, we get irked when our partner points out our failings, but when defensiveness becomes habitual and unyielding, it's a problem."
When one partner refuses to take accountability and accept responsibility, they only make conflict worse, and are far less likely to ever come up with healthy solutions to their problems.
Her partner may also begin to resent her overtime after constantly having to apologize and take responsibility for issues that weren't even their fault to begin with.
10. She complains constantly
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For a wife who complains a lot, it's because nothing her partner does, or how she lives, is ever enough. According to her, the world is against her. Her partner looks at her the wrong way. They don't make enough money. They don't take her out as much as she'd like to.
However, she would much rather spend her time complaining rather than taking action to change the things about her life she's unsatisfied with. Soon enough, partners of not-so-great wives may find themselves adopting the same pessimistic attitude as her.
"Over time, individuals who constantly complain become [dependent on] negativity, attracting more drama and dissatisfaction into their lives. Their pessimism makes decision-making and problem-solving challenging, as they tend to create more issues by fixating on the existing ones," psychotherapist Ilene Strauss Cohen, PhD revealed.
"Moreover, chronic complainers unknowingly transfer their negativity to those around them, burdening others with their emotional baggage. This negative influence can be contagious, gradually turning people in their vicinity into complainers themselves."
11. She expects her partner to do all the heavy lifting
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A wife like this often fails to understand that a marriage is a partnership that requires equal effort from both parties. She may expect her partner to do all of the grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, financial assistance, and childcare while she limits herself to just reaping the benefits.
She also shows little appreciation and doesn't offer any help to her partner, expecting them to carry all of the weight of the relationship on their shoulders. But a successful marriage can only thrive on teamwork where both parties offer mutual support, cooperation and proper communication.
According to Glenn Geher, PhD, a psychology professor, "When relationships include individuals who genuinely put the needs and wants of the relationship and their partner above their own, the relationship wins and, at the end of the day, perhaps its members each win as well. And maybe — just maybe — that's what real love is."
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
