Stop Trying To Change Him — Men Are Not Puppies For Us To Train
Like, chill.
LightField Studios / Shutterstock I don't know about you, but when I want something, I tend to want it really, really badly. This is a great motivator when it comes to my job or getting in shape, but can be kind of a buzz kill when it comes to dating and relationships. I like someone and that's it for me.
As ladies, we can get an idea in our heads of what we want the perfect man to look like. And then sometimes we want to fit and force the guy we're with into that mold.
But if we’re not careful, we can get majorly caught up in things that are beyond our control. And when we do, life has a tendency to get real hard, real fast (that’s what she said).
All middle school jokes aside, the one area I see this most present in the lives of me and my lady friends is in our romantic relationships. There’s so much BS information out there about “how to get a guy to treat you right," and "how to train him into being the perfect boyfriend,” that it kinda makes me sick.
Kinda.
Men are not newborn puppies capable of being taught how to sit and stay. They're not as cute as one either.
They are people, with their own motives and willpower. And trying to force them to do anything will almost guarantee that they will leave you (and fast).
I know it sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. While there may be a few exceptions to the rule (as there always are), I’d say the majority of men — and women, obviously — do not want to be with someone who tries to control or change them. And why would you want to be with someone who doesn't fit your standards? People are not meant to fit a mold you think they should.
Other than the basic human desire to be in the power of our own lives, we also want someone who is going to love us for us. We don’t want to be seen as a project to be fixed or a pet that needs to be trained.
We want to be loved as is.
So please, for the love of your relationship and your sanity, stop trying to change people — especially those who don’t want it. You’re allowed to guide the willing into being the best versions of themselves, but you’re not allowed to dictate someone’s life to match up to your own.
If you’re feeling the urge to change the person you’re with, it may be time to find someone who’s already closer to what you want. You either appreciate what you have exactly as it is, or go find something else.
The choice is yours.
Emily Blackwood is a writer who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, relationships, and everything in between.