I Spoke To People Who Have Been Single For 10+ Years About What Life Is Like — 'I'm Incredibly Lonely'
Not everyone finds (or is looking for) the right person to be with.
Obradovic | Canva Most of us have experienced a dry spell in love. Some of us were late bloomers, others were just not in a good situation, still more may have lost interest, while a scant few just had bad luck.
Whatever the reason, the vast majority of us eventually get our groove back and find a new partner, albeit with some work. Some people, though, are a little different. Whether by choice, by their fault, or by a bad dating pool, some people end up staying and being single. It's just what happens; not everyone finds the right person to be with.
Most of us assume that those who stay single for decades are lonely, desperate, or messed up. I decided to talk to some people who were single for 10 years. I asked them when their last relationship was, why they broke up, how life is as a long-term single, what they think keeps them single if they wanted to get married, and if they'd date someone again.
I spoke to people who have been single for 10+ years about what life is like for them:
1. Lucas, 37
When was your last relationship?
College.
Why did you break up with your ex?
I tried to get with her friends. Turns out no one else wanted to be with me.
What is life like as a long-time single?
I'd like to say it's fun, but it's not. I am very lonely. I wanted to have kids at one point, but I don't anymore. My career benefits from it, though. I was able to immerse myself in my work, and I’m very creative with it. I also have plenty of friends, but it’s not the same.
I still occasionally go on Tinder, but I don’t see it as a long-term relationship pool. Tinder isn't known to be used to find a longtime partner, with one study from LendEDU stating that 22.22 percent of Tinder users surveyed answered they are using the app for a hookup, and nothing else.
Most women do not want to marry someone who works in nightlife or hip-hop. Those who do have serious drug problems or expect me to “settle down.” I’m not giving up my career for someone.
What keeps you single?
Finding someone in the industry and crowd is hard. You have a lot of people who have serious problems, like drugs or emotional issues. The girls who have their lives together don’t want anything to do with me because of my career.
Do you still want to get married? Do you still want to date?
Yes and yes. I’m not gonna stop searching.
RDNE Stock project / Pexels
2. Frances, 45
When was your last relationship?
My marriage. I divorced at 32.
Why did you break up with your ex?
My ex was very abusive. I divorced him after he beat me into miscarrying.
What is the long-term single life like?
Well, I wake up in the morning, greet my dog, and feed him. I make breakfast, watch the news, and head to the office. I do my work. Then, I figure out what I want to do that night. Do I want to stay home? Go to the art gallery? Hit up hot yoga? Work on a new business venture?
I’ll admit, at times, I look at couples and get lonely. I have friends, but it’s not the same as a lover, you know? I then remind myself why I’m single, and then the feeling passes pretty quickly. Once in a while, I’ll have a one-night stand. That’s about it.
What keeps you single?
I do. I don’t want to be with men after the things they put me through. I have never had a healthy relationship, and I no longer want to pursue one. There’s only so much effort you can put into finding someone before you decide it’s not worth it.
Do you still want to get married? Do you still want to date?
Nope. I prefer my own company.
3. Gregori, 35
When was your last relationship?
High school. I was 17.
Why did you break up with your ex?
She broke up with me. Said she didn’t like me anymore, and felt it was unhealthy. I think it was because I was a nerd and she felt she could do better.
What is the long-term single life like?
I try to be nice to girls, but they reject me. The dating scene can be so shallow for a nice guy like me. I don’t have much money, and I don’t have looks. Girls don’t want me. I get angry sometimes. Like, I put in the effort, why can’t they just be fair and reciprocate?
What keeps you single?
I don’t know. The girls’ preferences? Their awful attitudes? My desire is for a more old-fashioned lady who can provide and also keep a house clean. Honestly, most girls aren’t worth it.
Do you still want to get married? Do you still want to date?
I don’t think I’d get married. I want to sleep with someone, but I don’t want women to get half my stuff.
4. Alana, 42
When was your last relationship?
I was 30 when it ended.
Why did you break up with your ex?
It just wasn’t working out. He wanted kids, and I didn’t.
Having children, or not having them, isn't something you can easily compromise on. Research from 2023 states how important it is for couples to share the same values in their relationships.
What is the long-term single life like?
At first, I was desperate to find the one. I kept dating, but nothing really clicked. Eventually, the amount of time and effort I was putting in was no longer worth it. I felt like I wasn’t getting enough reward, so I said, “Screw it.”
Just like that, I stopped dating. I used to feel like I was missing out, but seeing so many ugly divorces made me rethink that. It hurts sometimes, but overall, I feel like I have a pretty awesome life.
I do a lot of classes, have friends, and see museums. I feel free, to be honest.
What keeps you single?
I just feel like I’m satisfied with the way my life is. The men my age are trainwrecks and are not worth my time. At this point, even if I did find someone, it’d be too little, too late. Sorry to sound bitter, but why wasn’t I worth it when I wanted a guy?
Do you still want to get married? Do you still want to date?
I don’t think it’s worth it anymore. I don’t really have any interest in it anymore.
Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.