10 Small Love Deposits To Fill Your Partner's Emotional Bank Account
Gestures that'll help you reconnect with your partner.
Cecilie_Arcurs | Canva When you've been in a relationship for a while, it's natural for the romance to die down a bit as you prioritize other things in life. In other words, your emotional bank account is empty — and you haven't made any deposits lately! How did this happen? It's not that either member of the couple forgot how to be romantic, more like you just got comfortable with each other, and started putting your efforts elsewhere.
But does this mean that one more withdrawal of emotions could overdraw your emotional bank account? Or worse, close it? In the beginning, you put your relationship first. But now, you have work, home, and a family. This doesn’t leave much time for your relationship and being romantic.
What happened to date night? Can you remember the last time that you went out on a date with your partner? If the answer is "no," then your emotional bank account is at risk of becoming overdrawn. There are many ways to be romantic and deposit more love into your emotional bank account to build it back up. You must start to prioritize your relationship, again. If you have been in a relationship for a while, then you know healthy relationships are about giving and receiving.
Here are 10 small love deposits to fill your partner's emotional bank account:
1. Listen to your partner
This is one of the kindest things you can do for your partner. I have seen a lot of couples in my practice and I hear this a lot: "I don’t feel heard." Set aside time each day to talk about your day with your partner. Make sure you both get a chance to speak.
2. Touch your partner
Everyone likes to be touched by the one they love. You can hold hands or rub up against one another in a playful way. After you've been in a relationship for a while, this one can be overlooked. Make sure you touch and play together often. This will help keep the spark alive.
3. Make sure your partner knows they come first in your life
This is how your partner knows you have their back — and what everyone wants in a healthy relationship. There are many ways you can do this but one of the best ways is by being empathetic. The next time you are listening to your partner, make sure you listen with empathy.
4. Take an interest in your partner’s dreams
Do you know what your partner's dreams are for the future? Does your partner want to travel or invent something? If you don't know, then ask. You don’t have to have the same dream as your partner, but you do need to be supportive, even if it sounds corny to you.
5. Call or text throughout the day
Now I know many of you are thinking, "I already do this." Sure, you text about logistics or what to have for dinner. But, when was the last time you texted your partner, just to let them know you are thinking about them? Or, just to say "I love you"?
6. Tell your partner how much you appreciate the little things
This means saying, "Thank you" a lot. Thank your partner for listening to you last night or folding the clothes. This is one of those small things that can go a long way.
7. Admit when you are wrong, and apologize
It sounds simple but can be one of the hardest things to do in a relationship. This is one of the best things you can do for your relationship, even if you think you only have a small part in it.
8. Initiate intimacy more often
Okay, ladies, this one’s for you. After working with many couples over the years, many men say this one thing they want more of. Now, I know men and women view intimacy differently. So, it would be helpful to have a conversation about it.
9. Be willing to work on a compromise with your partner
This one doesn’t have to be that difficult. Start gently with a conversation. Ask your partner about their beliefs and what they need from you. This will let your partner know that you care and will also build an understanding of the relationship.
10. Don’t put yourself last in the relationship
You know about putting your oxygen mask first in an airplane. Apply that to your relationship. Indeed, you can’t help anyone else unless you help yourself. This means you need to prioritize and plan. One thing I have seen so many people give up when they are in a relationship and have a family is sleep. Make sure you get enough rest — this will help you think more clearly and your mood.
With this relationship advice, you can start depositing more love into your relationships. As the week goes on, continue to work more of these with your partner. After a while, you will see a change for the better in your relationship. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was your relationship. It will take time, but it will pay off in the long run. It’s the little things that make a big difference in a relationship. So, don’t forget to say "thank you" or tell your partner what you appreciate most.
Lianne Avila is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in San Mateo, CA. Her work has been featured in Psych Central, BRIDES, and Prevention.