4 Small Behaviors That Kill Intimacy In Marriage
Don't break your sacred bond.
wundervisuals | Canva Intimacy is a touchy subject and requires a solid foundation of trust in a relationship. We completely open ourselves to our partners, so total trust in the other person is vital. Their touch can soothe and renew or trigger and damage, all dependent on the building and maintenance of trust. Seemingly small actions can create cracks in the marital foundation, and the cracks grow until trust is compromised.
Here are 4 small behaviors that kill intimacy in marriage, according to YourTango experts:
1. Holding back feelings
Holding back your true feelings can kill intimacy in a marriage. You must overcome your fears and learn to be vulnerable with your partner. This takes time and practice.
— Roland Legge, Spiritual Life Coach
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Photo: Beatriz Vera via Shutterstock
2. Avoiding physical touch
Not just sexual intimacy but small acts of physical affection like holding hands, hugs, or casual touches. When these diminish, it can create a distance, reducing the sense of emotional and physical closeness in the marriage.
— Erika Jordan, Love Coach / NLP Practitioner
3. Letting the outside influence the inside
I have a little mantra in sex therapy, "What happens outside the bedroom happens in the bedroom." It means that if there are arguments, resentments, emotional betrayals, and other negativity during the day, repercussions often show up in the bedroom at night. They cast a big chill over intimacy, which requires that people feel safe enough to be vulnerable and bring positive energy to sex instead of the memory of perceived injustices in their daily relationships.
— Dr. Gloria Brame, Sex Therapist, Board-Certified Sexologist
4. Criticizing what is beyond control
The simplest way to damage sexual intimacy in a relationship is for either partner to criticize something about the other person’s sexual response that is not under their conscious control. For instance, “Why is your erection less strong than it used to be before??” Or, "You’re dry. What’s wrong??” This creates feelings of inadequacy and anxiety in the other person. On the other hand, gently and kindly asking the other person for a sexual favor that is totally under their conscious control can raise intimacy by making the other person feel more sexually effective in giving you pleasure.
— Aline Zoldbrod, author, sex therapist, couple therapist
Intimacy and emotional vulnerability are bonded in a marriage with the glue of trust. Building trust requires space where both partners feel safe and secure to expose themselves completely. To stand naked before another person and say, "This is all of me. I trust you with myself." An intimate bond with another human can feel counter-intuitive to survival by totally exposing ourselves, but when you have built and maintained trust with your partner, you know the foundation of trust will hold intimacy firmly in place,
Will Curtis is a writer and editor for YourTango. He's been featured on the Good Men Project and taught English abroad for ten years.