The Often-Uncomfortable Fact The Happiest Married Couples Know About Each Other
Once you learn yours (and your partner's) everything seems easier.
Olena Yakobchuk / shutterstock Relationships aren't always about expressing love or even about moments of happiness. It's a union of every aspect, including the fights and the lows.
At the initiation of any romantic relationship, the individuals involved judge the other person depending on certain parameters. Using those parameters, they predict their relationship's future and longevity.
Even the happiest couples in the world have their share of fights in their relationship. Fighting is one of the most fundamental elements of compatibility.
We all have our love language be it physical, gifts, acts of service, and more.
Similarly, we all have our fight languages, which are people's default responses or reactions when fighting.
It is of utmost necessity for couples to know about each other's fight language to dissolve the conflict and maintain a healthy relationship. If we look closely, we will find that the happiest couples are very well aware of their own and their partner's fight language.
Knowing these six fight languages help couples to understand each other better and resolve fights. Without that, it isn't possible to maintain a healthy and happy relationship.
Here are six common fight languages used in relationships:
1. Quiet, reflect and act.
Here, the individual goes quiet during a fight or during any situation that has the potential to develop a fight. They pause to absorb the situation to understand what is happening and evaluate it from their perspective.
After they are done processing the situation, they act on it. The individuals prefer to react to the fight once they have evaluated and processed it.
Pushing or forcing them to speak up during fights will only lead to further complications as they may speak something they don't intend to and further aggravate the fight.
2. Deflection.
If someone's fight language is deflection, they do not address the main topic but linger around all the other unrelated topics. They will refuse to hear and accept anything other than what they have established as right.
These people become quite aggressive when a different perspective is put across them; they even have a hard time accepting their flaws. This is mostly because these people have a lot of egos or suffer from a superiority complex.
Resolving a fight with people from this category can be challenging.
3. Suppression then over-expression.
People whose fight language is suppression and then over-expression first suppresses their emotions, and then ultimately blow up all at once.
They keep on bottling up their feelings and then have a breakdown. Their first instinct is to act like their feelings don't matter and they are completely okay. Nothing is affecting them until they reach a point where they can't anymore and ultimately blow up.
These people return to their 'nothing has happened' behavior even after the breakdown. This particular fight language is mostly seen in people pleasers.
4. Dominating.
This fight language is usually seen in people who have an emotional and fragile nature. They adapt to this fight mechanism to protect themselves.
They will try their best to establish that their feelings and emotions are right and justified, whereas the opposite's feelings are incorrect.
They will listen to all the arguments and thoughts of other persons but will never acknowledge them, and this listening is merely an act whose main intention is to establish that what the other person is thinking is wrong.
These people lack empathy and want others to accept and follow what they feel is righteous.
5. Mediating.
These people have one single goal when it comes to fights: finding a middle ground between the two parties and settling the issues.
They genuinely listen to the other person's arguments, try to understand their perspective, and then share their point of view. They are pros at keeping an even tone and temper while resolving a conflict.
Often, they will adapt to resolving methodologies like taking a break to clear the mind and then coming back to resolve it once and for all. They may jot down points and communicate as per them; basically, they are open to adapting to any methodology that will effectively resolve the fight.
These people have the most healthy fight language. For mediators, it's a battle to persuade somebody who isn't to jump aboard with their resolving technique, which can be quite frustrating. Apart from that, this fight language resolve fights the best.
6. Free communication.
Here, both parties freely communicate and listen to each other with the clear objective of resolving their fight.
We all know that communication is the ultimate key to a healthy relationship, and language is what is practiced in this fight. For free communication to work smoothly, it is extremely necessary that the parties involved maintain a clear mind along with an even tone.
Individuals who are free communicators have the maximum probability of resolving conflicts successfully and reaching a middle ground through effective communication.
Why knowing about your partner’s fight language is essential?
Awareness of your partner’s fight language is crucial for resolving fights in your relationship effortlessly. It also prevents further aggregation of conflicts.
For example, if your partner’s fight language is being quiet, reflecting, and acting, you can’t barge in and force them to talk to you immediately after the fight to resolve it. It would be best if you gave them time to comprehend the situation and then come to terms with it to resolve the fight.
If you force them into a confrontation during the initial hour, they may react in a way that may hurt you or even say certain things that they don’t intend to. This will worsen the situation, so it is only appropriate that one deal with fights as per their and their partner’s fight language, have effective communication, and resolve the fight.
The happiest couples in the world will always be aware of each other’s fight language. There can’t be any relationship with no flights and conflicts brewing and breeding in them.
It’s just that some know how to handle them effectively, and it can only be possible if you truly understand your partner.
Once people know all the fight languages and identify themselves and their partner's fight language, it becomes extremely easy for them to resolve conflicts and move on.
When you know your partner has one pre-dominant fight language trait, you know how to deal with the situation and act accordingly.
During the initial phase of the relationship, it may take some time for the parties to figure out each other's personality traits and fighting language. Once it is settled and you both have built a better understanding, it becomes easy for you to go from there onwards to proceed.
Always try to understand your partner better in every possible way to handle the situation accordingly.
The essential attribute of a relationship is to deal with the problem together and manage every situation hand in hand.