3 Simple Ways To Protect Your Amazing New Relationship
Create a love that’s built to last, supported by research.
LOOK | Canva If you're wondering how to make a new relationship last, you need to know this: Just about every relationship starts with an element of fantasy. This is part of what it takes to get a new relationship off the ground.
Imagination makes things possible but, it can also break your heart. Everyone knows relationships can often be dangerous territory, but the risk is rarely enough to stop anyone from pursuing love. After all, the benefits of an amazing relationship are worth almost any sacrifice.
So, how can you protect a relationship that starts so wonderfully? You do the work to keep it amazing.
Three simple ways to protect your amazing new relationship
1. Don't get lost in the fantasy
When you first meet someone you have chemistry with, your head can start spinning. You begin to imagine a future together. The chemistry can be so strong you can almost think of nothing else.
This is normal, and it’s easy to get carried away. But to avoid heartache, it’s important not to get too lost in fantasy and make sure you’re taking the time to get to know someone for who they truly are.
Many people tend to start their relationships fast. But research shows that you need to take your time and be realistic if you’re going to make it to the finish line. Relying on fantasy and chemistry can only take you so far.
2. Build a friendship
With all the buildup from having chemistry, you might miss out on whether you like this new person you're with. This is where friendship comes in, it allows you to find your feet. According to The Gottman Institute, the leading researchers into what makes marriages successful, friendship is key to building a romantic relationship that can last. It's also core to how the Gottmans have taught therapists to support couples in counseling, a model that has proven effective when independently researched.
If the two of you can spend time together doing a variety of things besides being physically intimate, you can establish whether or not you also have a friendship. You can call it "filling in the other 23 hours." This means you're comfortable being together morning, noon, and night.
In other words, you're capable of enjoying and spending your days together, and it’s not just a series of intermittent nights.
3. Treat them like family
La Famiglia via Shutterstock
Relationships that last are with those who are considered "part of the family" while still prioritizing the partnership. They could be longtime friends or actual family members. The introduction of a partner to your family and friends and the introduction to theirs gives a relationship lasting power.
In isolation, the two of you can fall into a hookup. With family, you can become part of a team. Family and friends will give you a sense of openness and discovery. As a couple, you're connected by sharing each other with the people who are dearest to you, while also giving you accountability.
Fantasy gets you started, commitment keeps you going
Let chemistry get you going but let your friendship keep it going, as described in research on the friends-first method. Friendship is your foundation and with it, you can build anything. Lovers who have the built-in attraction of friendship are capable of long-lasting relationships.
Family and friends are your longest-lasting relationships. When you make them a part of your life together as a couple, you're creating something with a strong foundation, something that’s built to last.
James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He's also the author of A Life of Love and Dating Advice for Alpha Women.