7 Simple-But-Effective Ways To Deepen A Connection With A Man, According To A Psychotherapist
A strong connection is essential for any happy relationship.
Diignat / Shutterstock If you want your relationship to last long-term, maintaining intimacy and a deep love connection is important.
As important as communication is, without a connection — touching, sensing, and giving what you have learned your partner needs — a relationship is less likely to be sustainable, even if you're as deeply in love as can be.
A connection in a relationship is an all-important key component in order to have a happy love life. So ladies, listen up.
Here are 7 simple ways to deepen a connection with a man.
1. Keep the most loving messages and texts on your phone.
Reread or replay them if you're feeling less-than-fully satisfied with your relationship, or simply whenever you want to smile. Alternatively, you can take the initiative and leave sweet notes for your partner to find.
Whether written on a mirror, hidden in the pocket of your partner's coat, or emailed at a precise time so it will be the first thing your partner sees when getting to work, your notes will make your partner's day.
Photo: cottonbro studio / Pexels
2. Make time to make love.
Unfortunately, over time, most couples stop having sex with the frequency they did at the beginning of the relationship and call it normal. The longer you're together, the more obligation you have to keep that spark flying — and that usually means spending quality time alone together.
Take every opportunity you can to make love by word, deed, and physical touch, even if it doesn’t end in sex. If one or both of you is too tired for sex by the time you go to bed, go to bed earlier. You don’t need to be in your bed to make love.
Have sex on the weekends, during the day on the living room floor, on a pool table, or in a guest room. If you’re with a lot of people, make love with your eyes. Steal glances across the room.
If you need to communicate to your partner that you desire more sex, do it in a non-verbal way first. You should know by now what it takes to get him interested. And if you can focus on being a better and more generous lover, he’s probably going to want lovemaking more often, too.
3. Kick the kids out of your bed.
The family bed concept is terrible for your sex life and can get a bit weird as your children grow. It might bring a sense of connection to the family, but it tends to lessen the connection between parents.
Take things a step further and put a lock on your bedroom door. Without one, having a comfortable and relaxing sex life is hard. You will always be nervous about your kids walking in, and you really don’t want to risk traumatizing them or yourself.
After all, what’s sexy about an image of the kids walking in and screaming every time you and your mate start to undress? You don’t have to keep kids out of your room at all times, but make sure it’s on your terms and when your bedroom door is unlocked.
4. Keep your pets out of the bedroom, too.
Bonding over a pet you both love is great. But if one of you is bonding more with the pet than with you, you have a problem. If it’s the latter, it doesn’t mean the pet has to go but reconsider its role in your life.
Pets can come between couples — literally and physically — and someone who is lavishing excessive attention on the pet may be avoiding intimacy in the relationship.
In addition, some pets like to sleep right between their two owners, making it impossible for you and your partner to touch each other, and touching, sexual or not, is good for a relationship and your health.
5. Do things together.
Doing things together is a great way to be mutual. But make sure you’re taking time to do things together just for the sake of doing them, and not because they have to be done.
Photo: Maria Orlova / Pexels
Quality leisure time is also good foreplay. Carve out time to spend exclusively with your partner. Take a class together, exercise, nap, go out to eat, or read the same book. Share a sense of adventure by traveling together. Train for a race together.
There’s a special bonding and turn-on that comes along with working out together because your endorphins kick in and you and your partner will share a natural high. You can get similar highs from sharing good food, laughter, socializing, learning, and volunteering.
It really doesn’t matter what you do; the point is to do it together.
6. Share a calendar.
This is of utmost importance to maintain healthy relationships. So many fights between couples start just because one partner didn’t have the right information concerning the date or time of an event. This is precisely what a shared calendar can help prevent.
Sharing a calendar — either online or on paper — eliminates some squabbles. And irritation is definitely not foreplay.
He can’t be mad because he cooked a big dinner without looking at the calendar to know that you would be at the spin class instead of the dinner table. And you can’t be mad that he can’t come to your last-minute work cocktail party because you already know he has a long-standing weekly softball game.
Fair is fair.
7. Enjoy every minute together.
If you're at a point where you're able to openly and honestly connect with your partner, you’ve also reached a point where you’re open and honest with yourself about who you are and what you need from life.
Enjoy and appreciate every minute of time with one another, even the less perfect ones. It's easier to get through difficult times with consideration and respect, and the cushion of a whole lot of love.
Dr. Janet Page is a psychotherapist and author working with individuals, couples, and groups for 30 years. She has been featured in The New York Times, Men's Health, Glamour, SELF, Huffington Post, US World and News Report, among many others.