8 Signs You're Not Getting Enough Commitment From A Partner, According To Longtime Therapist
This type of man is ready to run for the hills.
stagestock | Canva Often, women inadvertently fall for a man who suffers from commitment phobia and a deep fear of intimacy. His own negative self-beliefs about commitment, love, and relationships will guarantee that this relationship won't last.
He has no intention of committing, and now that she is asking for a little more, he's finding reasons to back away. Unfortunately, this type of commitment-phobe will likely sabotage this relationship fairly soon and it will be over.
Here are 8 signs you're not getting enough commitment from a partner:
1. He travels for work and is gone for a week or more at a time
Commitment-phobes, tend to choose jobs that allow for a lot of flexibility to travel, not work in an office and control their own schedules. This lifestyle also makes it easier to be unfaithful.
2. You haven't met each other's friends, family and/or co-workers
Commitment-phobes cannot be transparent with their activities. They tend to compartmentalize the different parts of their life.
You won't know what their work life is like and you probably won't get to know their friends. Meeting each other's families is a huge deal, and usually happens around the three-month mark, according to a YouGov poll.
They have a strong need to be able to hide what they are doing so they don't have to explain themselves. They can concoct some amazing excuses for why you can't meet their friends.
3. You haven't seen his home, and if you have, it looks more like a hotel room
Commitment-phobes have a habit of living a vagabond lifestyle. Their own homes are often nothing more than a waystation to shower, change clothes, and sleep on those rare occasions they can't stay with you.
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4. He's attentive and charming when you're together
Commitment-phobes move in fast. They use their charm and learn social skills to pursue you ardently until they win you over. Once they have you, the less attractive parts of their personality start to show.
5. He doesn't take no for an answer
Commitment-phobes don't do conflict and can't deal with rejection. If you start standing up for yourself, he'll soon be gone.
6. He's a last-minute planner
Planning time with you is a form of commitment to you. The commitment phobe is going to be uncomfortable if you take charge of how the two of you spend your time.
As part of his normal mode of operation, he's going to want to stay in control of what the two of you do with your time together. If he does agree to do something you want to do, he'll typically be late or cancel at the last minute.
7. You feel crazy
The Commitment-phobe finds a way to blame you for the situation you find yourselves in and you start doubting yourself and wonder if you are the crazy one.
Why do some of us end up feeling crazy in a relationship? Love is supposed to be calming. According to studies, having a difficult partner can lead to increased feelings of loneliness, and eventually feeling crazy.
In Amy's situation, he blamed her for "screwing it up" just because she wanted to have him come to dinner with her family. If you confront him he won't want to talk about it. He might become moody and behave in ways you've never seen before in him.
8. He lost interest when things got serious
Commitment-phobes love the chase but not the capture. They have a history of brief, passionate relationships that end fairly quickly. They are usually quick to explain these breakups away as being the fault of the former girlfriend.
Dating a commitment phobe is a very confusing experience. Not all commitment-phobic men will show all of these signs, but most will show a significant number of them.
If you are struggling with this kind of man, don't deny your experience and make yourself the wrong one. Reality-check what is going on with trusted friends.
If that doesn't help you sort it out, seek the help of a professional. If the man you are dating is truly commitment-phobic, your future together can only contain heartbreak.
Larry Cappel has 15 years of experience in couples counseling and is a licensed marriage and family therapist.