12 Signs Someone Really Loves Having You In Their Life, According To Psychology
They can't imagine their world without you in it.
Inside Creative House | Shutterstock It’s not always obvious when someone likes you, especially in the initial days of spending time together.
It’s common to doubt a person’s commitment when you’re not sure how they feel, but the more you get to know each other, the clearer their feelings become.
Here are 12 signs someone really loves having you in their life, according to psychology
1. They pay attention to the little things
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When someone loves having you around, they want to know everything about you. Even the smallest details are important to them: If you put sugar in your coffee, what your favorite song is, the kinds of stories that make you laugh.
They listen when you speak — really, fully listen. They look into your eyes and ignore outside distractions. They match your physical cues by nodding when you say something positive. They respond to what you say by restating your points and asking open-ended questions, so you'll open up even more.
Actively listening means they care about what you think. It shows that they're empathetic, compassionate, and that they hold you close. By giving you their undivided attention, they're demonstrating just how much they want you in their life.
2. They accept your flaws
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They remember what you've told them about your past, both good and bad, and they don't hold your mistakes against you. If you're anxious, they listen to your racing thoughts without judgment. If you're angry, they let you express it without discomfort. We're all made up of multitudes. No person is perfect, and when someone loves knowing you, they don't expect or want perfection.
Judith Tutin, a psychologist and life coach, defines perfectionism as "the relentless striving for flawlessness and excessively high performance sets the high bar by which we consistently judge ourselves and find ourselves wanting." She noted that perfectionism is often accompanied by its darker, uglier companions: Self-criticism and shame. "You think you're imperfect, it's your fault because you're not good enough, and you're a bad person," she explains.
The expectation of perfection can harm our relationships, not only with ourselves, but also with the people we care most about. But when someone loves your presence in their life, they love you, even when you don't show up as the best version of yourself. They want to see your messy side and hold your hand through the hard times. They know that you're always evolving, and they want to be there with you for the journey.
3. They celebrate your successes
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Emotional availability is often framed as the way a person shows up for someone and holds space for their negative emotions. Yet true emotional validation needs to exist in good times, too, in order for a relationship to succeed.
Being present for someone should extend beyond moments of hardship. Of course, it's amazing to have someone support you when you're down, but having someone who can be with you when you win is equally as important.
Instead of exhibiting jealousy or an edge of competitiveness, a person who loves having you in their life will shout your victories from the rooftops. They'll pop bottles of proverbial bottles of champagne when you reach even minor goals, like finally folding that huge pile of laundry in the corner of your room or getting praise from your boss on a project you completed.
When someone wants to be with you, they'll show up for the low points, the mundane activities, and the expansive adventures, because it's you they love most.
4. They tell you how they feel
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A crucial aspect of being close with someone involves letting your guard down and telling them exactly how you feel, even when it's scary. Being emotionally vulnerable is the only real way to strengthen your connection with others.
As Terry Gaspard, a licensed clinical social worker, explains, "Vulnerability in a relationship is the most important ingredient of having a trusting, intimate companion." She continues, "Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, but it's a strength."
Being vulnerable collapses the distance between two people, creating a deeper sense of intimacy, which is essential for a relationship to flourish. If the person you're dating or the new friend you've just met lets you see how their inner world works, it means they want to be closer to you, and they deeply value having you in their life.
5. They talk about the future
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It's important to practice mindfulness in all parts of our lives, including our relationships, which means focusing less on the past and future and more on the present moment. Being in the here and now with the people we love most allows us to really revel in our time together, without giving into the anxiety of the unknown.
Yet there's also value in thinking about what your future might look like, and whether you imagine your future self in the relationships you have now. You don't have to draw up 5- or 10-year life plans, but being open with a current partner about where you see yourself and what you want to focus on can help establish where you're at as a couple.
Maybe the two of you talk about the types of jobs you plan to apply for, or vacations you want to take, or even restaurants you want to try. No matter how small the moment, when a person involves you in their plans, it means they care about you. Someone who looks to the future and imagines you as a part of the life they want to lead is someone who wants to have you around for the long haul.
6. They ask you for help
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In a similar vein to being emotionally vulnerable, asking for help is also something people tend to avoid, even from the ones they love.
Xuan Zhao, a social psychologist from Stanford University, conducted research focused on how asking for help can create meaningful experiences and strengthen relationships. She touched on various reasons why people don't ask for help, saying, "Some people may fear that asking for help would make them appear incompetent, weak, or inferior... Others may be concerned about burdening and inconveniencing others."
Zhao notes that while these concerns are "very relatable and very human," they can also be misguided. Most of the time, we want to help others, whether the person in need is a close confidant, an acquaintance, or a complete stranger. Being hesitant to ask for help creates a sense of isolation, whereas making a direct request for support can lead to two people growing closer.
"Asking for help enables kindness and unlocks opportunities for positive social connections," Zhao says. "It can also create emotional closeness when you realize someone trusts you enough to share their vulnerabilities, and by working together toward a shared goal."
When someone in your life reaches out and requests help, it shows how much they trust you, which is a sign of having a strong bond.
7. They don't compare you to others
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Comparing ourselves to others is a deeply ingrained human behavior, something that's rooted in our evolutionary need for adaptation and survival. While comparison can serve as a motivating force, it can also be detrimental to our sense of self and our sense of stability.
Comparison culture can be defined as "A societal phenomenon in which individuals habitually engage in the practice of constantly measuring themselves, their achievements, possessions, and life circumstances against those of others."
According to the YourTango Comparison Culture survey, 62% of people indicated that Comparison Culture "is super problematic or somewhat problematic in their lives." Dr. Cortney Warren explained, "It is natural to compare yourself to others, and the consequences of those comparisons can be helpful [and] adaptive or harmful [and] maladaptive."
In a romantic context, comparing what you have to what others have can be detrimental. Putting more focus on elusive and unattainable #couplegoals distracts you from the good parts of your partnership.
No two relationships are the same, and we never know what's really going on between any couple, which is why looking outward instead of in can erode the love we have.
Someone who truly loves you won't compare you to their ex or to their friends' partners or that one crush they had in high school. They don't expect you to morph into some imagined ideal of what a partner should be. Rather, they accept you as you are, and know that you'll do the same for them.
8. They are affectionate
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The concept of the 5 love languages might not be entirely accurate, but there's value in recognizing that expressing affection cultivates healthy relationships, and that everyone shows and receives love in different ways.
When someone knows you, they understand how you want to be loved. They know that flowers make you deliriously happy and that holding hands in the car makes you feel safe.
Showing love isn't limited to romantic relationships. We show our friends we love them in so many ways: We text them just to say hi, we laugh at our silly inside jokes, or we let them cry on our shoulders when they're heartbroken.
Affection means something different to everyone. A person who consistently shows love in ways that elevate you is showing you how meaningful you are to them.
9. They prioritize your relationship
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It's important to have hobbies and interests that are separate from your partner's. Being tunnel-visioned in a relationship isn't healthy, yet making your relationship a priority will help you maintain it in the long term.
Life coach Rick Clemons revealed the one concept that transforms relationships: Purpose.
"Purpose provides a firm foundation for understanding what each person wants to experience in the relationship," he explains. "To master the art of a purposeful relationship, the first step is to define what a meaningful relationship is for you and your partner."
He recommended that couples have an honest conversation about what they want their relationship to look like and what the relationship means. Being purposeful in relationships means that you and your partner have a unified idea of how you want your lives to look, or at least enough overlap to show that you're compatible.
A partner who really wants to be with you makes their intentions clear, not only with what they say but how they act. They'll think about how their behavior affects you and apologize when they've caused you harm. They know that arguing doesn't forecast the end of your relationship, as long the ultimate focus is on repair.
Putting each other first looks different for every couple, which is why defining your purpose is such an essential practice.
10. They don't try to impress you
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The best part of a relationship is being able to show up as your most authentic self. During the tender, early days of dating, you might hide the parts of yourself that make you feel insecure.
A shiny new relationship can make you feel nervous and giddy and excited all at once. You might worry that when the luster wears off, the person you're with will grow bored. But when a relationship is built on solid ground, the comfort and ease you share becomes a beautiful thing.
A partner who is content to sit with you on the couch in their oldest pair of pajamas, watching movies or reading a book or doing nothing at all, isn't trying to impress you, and that's how you know their love is real.
11. They share their dreams with you
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When someone loves having you in their life, they'll tell you what they're thinking, how they're feeling, and what they want.
As we get older, we tend to turn away from our wildest dreams to focus on the practical parts of life, like finding a job we don't hate and a home we can afford. Yet the sparks of our dreams stay with us, whether we admit them or not.
Giving voice to our buried hopes and wishes can make us feel vulnerable, which is why it means so much when someone shares their dreams with you. Even if they know that they'll never be a world famous artist or a football star, they still let you see into their hearts, and that in itself means the world.
12. They don't expect you to change for them
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Even with our imperfections, we're still worthy of love, care, and respect. Someone who really wants you in their life is well aware of that fact, and they'll never ask you to change who you are.
They might get frustrated, but they know that you're showing up for them, just as they are for you. They hold you with their whole hearts, which means accepting your messier parts and working through hard times together, and loving you just as you are.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.