15 Signs He's Posing As A Hopeless Romantic — But Has Zero Plans To Commit To You
He's hiding commitment issues behind the romance.
SanneBerg | Canva Being a hopeless romantic was the kind of thing that girls were told to pursue in a man. We were told that hopeless romantics would shower us with romantic gifts, watch The Notebook with us, and even rub our shoulders after a long day of work.
And... people were right. They would do romantic things to get us. Hopeless romantics do adorable things to get us to melt our icy hearts for them. The problem is that they also have a dark side to them, and that dark side is commitment issues.
What happens with "hopeless romantics" is that they are addicted to the chase and can't commit to anyone out of fear of "running out of romance." Though some hopeless romantics can commit, many just can't. Here are some signs that your hopeless romantic is a hopeless pursuit.
Here are the signs a man is posing as a hopeless romantic — but has zero plans to commit to you:
1. He doesn't ever really seem to have long-term relationships
You know this type! You've known him to woo, wine, and dine girls, but he never quite seems eager to settle down. The result is a string of failed relationships and a lot of broken hearts.
2. His gifts and compliments stopped after you two were officially an item
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Now that you two are together, it almost seems like he's bored.
Dating coach Elizabeth Stone advised, "He might respond favorably at first, but the more reassurance she needs and the more energy she starts pouring into the relationship, the more he feels the weight of her feelings bearing down on him. Very suddenly, it’s “Oh, wow, this woman likes me. I’m flattered but I’m not sure if I feel the same way. Finally, the connection begins to fade and he gets bored."
3. He talks all about marriage, then skirts the issue
This is a key sign of someone with commitment issues who's posing as a hopeless romantic. This shows that he likes the idea of marriage, but will always get too bored to pop the question.
4. He always blames his exes for the split
When you hear his stories, you'd think his exes were she-devils in human suits. Every single time you hear of an ex, you hear the nasty things she did to him, even when it doesn't seem that horrible.
If every ex seems like an abusive, unstable wreck, you have to wonder why a romantic like him would date you.
5. He has an unnervingly large collection of Disney films or rom-coms
Don't fall for this trap. A guy who buys too much into Hollywood romances is a guy who can't handle a real relationship.
6. He expects you to play a role or entertain him
If you constantly get the feeling you need to keep him entertained or he'll leave, it's probably because it's true. Unfortunately, this happens to be what "hopeless romantics" tend to be about. Once they feel they've conquered you, they bolt.
7. He seems to have a thing for damsels in distress
If the guy you like keeps insisting on "rescuing" girls, you need to move on. He'll probably end up leaving you once you're in a good position in life.
"I don't think this behavior is in our genes as much as it is learned," explained dating coach Joe Amoia, "And as a result of centuries of conditioning, men simply think if they provide and care for their women, everything will be OK. And this is where things start to go wrong for a lot of men. They think if they take care of their manly duties everything should be fine. And what's worse is these men think they should be acknowledged and appreciated for doing so."
8. He has unrealistic standards
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He's the chubby, physically unattractive, unemployed guy who keeps hitting on modelesque women in high-powered positions. He's the "romantic" who always tries to court women 15 to 20 years younger than him.
While this may work in rom-coms, the reality of the situation is that these kinds of hopeless romantics typically only court women who are out of their leagues because they can't look past a woman's superficial traits.
9. His romance always seems superficial
If it seems superficial, it's because it is. The International Journal of Indian Psychology explored how guys who are like this don't like women to get too close to them, because it may make them drop their dashing, romantic hero façade.
10. He moves way too fast
Within the first week, he's already asked you to move in with him. He's constantly talking about meeting relatives and going on vacation together.
Any time a guy does this, you need to be wary. This is either a sign of a serial monogamist or an abuser, and neither will lead to a happy, long-term commitment.
11. He runs hot and cold
This is a classic sign of a commitment phobe who feels a need to sabotage his relationships. If you find yourself always doing wrong, no matter what you try to do, he's trying to make a way out for himself.
12. He's unusually charming
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Does he always seem to know what to say? If so, be careful. Most players tend to have silver tongues.
13. He is an expert at damage control
Ever notice how the most sociopathic people tend to already know how they're going to do damage control when they do something terrible? You can't help but notice they already have a lot of damage control for breakups.
"One of the ways sociopaths trick you into doing what they want is to show that they trust you. So they appear to be needy and vulnerable and say that you’re the only person who can help them. Because of our human compulsion to be responsive, it can be very difficult to say no to them. They figure out how to push our buttons, and we comply with the sociopath’s demands," relationship coach Donna Andersen elaborated.
14. He's self-centered under the veneer
His actions always are a means to an end. Nothing about him is ever selfless. The reason why is that his love of romance is all about him playing a role, not him looking for a commitment.
15. He always has a reason he hasn't lived with anyone or had a long-term commitment
And half of those reasons don't make sense. Why? Because he's a commitment-phobic man.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.