5 Signs Your Marriage Is In Trouble Because Of Someone At Your Job

You'd never ever cheat on your spouse or romantic partner. That thought has truly never entered your mind. But what about that special work relationship you have? You know, that one guy or gal whom you always go to lunch with, seek out for advice, turn to when you've had a rough day, and carry out pranks and jokes with. Although it's all innocent and they aren't being physically intimate with, kissing, or even flirting with this co-worker, there's something special going on. 

The two have a relationship that goes beyond what work colleagues usually feel for one another. Your romantic partner might even claim to not care. But over time, you may find some new, possibly chilly, space in your marriage. Here's what you'll need to know. 

Five signs a relationship at work is getting in the way of your marriage

1. You are confused

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The Journal of Research in Personality shows how most of us have pretty clear expectations of what it is to be a spouse, and it almost always includes physical intimacy. When you call someone your work husband or work wife, you send mixed messages about what you're looking for in an otherwise professional relationship.

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2. You've been tempted

Confusion about what it means to be a "work couple" can very easily lead to one (or both) of you crossing the boundary between friendship and romantic relationship, as supported in a study of friendships that developed into romance. This can be embarrassing or it could send you toward breakup or divorce.

3. You are disconnecting

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The implication in a relationship like this is you are gravitating toward a person you work with instead of your actual spouse or romantic partner. When you devote time, attention, and energy to your work spouse, the results are disconnection and distance in your love relationship or marriage.

RELATED: 3 Clear Boundaries To Set With Your Jealous Partner

4. There is jealousy driving your choices

The confidences you share with your work husband or the way you've come to depend on your work wife will inevitably trigger jealousy in your partner, a dynamic explored in 20-year review of research on the topic.. Trust gets damaged in the process, and that can take a very long time to heal. 

5. You are distracted

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Think about it this way: what happens when you have two pots of soup on the stove and you're trying to stir and add spices to them both at the same time? Maybe you can care for them both equally, but you'll likely neglect one in favor of the other. The soup you focus less of your attention on is probably going to burn.

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At what point is your relationship with your work spouse a threat to your actual marriage or love relationship? This is an important question to ask yourself if you want to keep trust and connection strong with your romantic partner or spouse. 

There is such a thing as an emotional affair, as shown in a 2017 study. It is potentially just as destructive as an extramarital affair. The tricky thing about an emotional affair is that you may be in one and not even realize it.

A few signs of an emotional affair are:

• secretiveness about what you said or did with the other person
• a stronger emotional bond than the love relationship or marriage
• a preference for the friend instead of the partner and
• feelings of physical attraction underlying the friendship

The work-spouse relationship is one unfortunate way to set yourself up for an emotional affair without meaning to.

If you've elected to be in a monogamous relationship, it's up to you to choose. Which relationship is most important to you? If it's your relationship with your spouse or romantic partner, that's the one you should focus on the most.

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We are not saying you can't make friends with or share fun and meaningful experiences with your co-workers — or even with one co-worker in particular. We are reminding you to be honest with yourself. 

When you feel dissatisfied at home, get to the root of that dissatisfaction. Look for what's causing you to feel the way you do and then communicate with your partner — without blaming — and come up with solutions that help you both feel fulfilled and excited by the continued growth in your relationship.

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Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life.