6 Signs A Man Isn't Serious About You, Even Though You Convince Yourself He Is
Consider breaking up with any guy who shows these signs.
Airam Dato-on | Canva Having collected relationship red flag stories from thousands of women, we've read some pretty unbelievable accounts of men's not-so-nice (to put it lightly) behavior.
We've also noticed a pattern. Certain signs kept appearing on our radar. These warning signs were defined as indications there might be an underlying issue in your relationship. While the men in question may differ, their terrible dating behavior is anything but original.
Here are 6 signs a man's not serious about you, even though you convince yourself he is:
1. He's not really your partner
Many of us have kinda sort of been seeing a guy while hooking up with him consistently, but not knowing where we stand, sit down, or lie. We've learned the hard way that just because you're sleeping with a guy, going out to dinner, receiving flowers on your birthday, and spending the night at his place every weekend, you're not "official" unless you've had "the talk."
If you're not sure if you're his partner, you probably aren't. However, men get away with non-committal behavior because we let them. Either we buy into the idea the dude should always be the one to take the lead and initiate some kind of "what are we?" discussion, or we're too scared to ask. The Journal of Personality supports how It's normal to fear rejection — sometimes not knowing is more bearable than hearing, "no".
By not bringing it up, you'll stay in relationship limbo longer. But, as any gal who's been in relationship purgatory can attest, the confusion causes more anxiety than a missed period.
If your bed buddy can't define your relationship, even after you muster the courage to ask him directly what's going on between you two, he deserves the boot.
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2. He's inconsiderate
Relationships consist of two people who've chosen to share their lives. When you enter into a partnership, there's an expected level of consideration (and respect) for each other, as demonstrated in the Journal of Personal Relationships. For instance, calling when he says he will call, offering to pick you up from the airport, and other things you typically want to do for the person you care about.
We say typically because we know all too well some guys are anything but caring towards the women in their lives. For this warning sign, pay attention to your man's small gestures — like if he stops for a milkshake on the way to your house but forgets to bring you a treat.
Inconsiderate acts early on tend to escalate the more comfortable a man becomes with the situation, and pretty soon you'll be in a one-way relationship headed full speed for resentment.
3. He doesn't show up
Because something is important to you, it doesn't necessarily mean it's important to your partner. A study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships indicates for a healthy relationship, he should support you in your endeavors.
Not being there for one of your big moments is just plain inconsiderate and a true indication of your man's feelings. If your guy bails on you the moment you need him most, his take-you-or-leave-you behavior lets you know loud and clear you're not important to him.
Part of the perk of having a long-time beau is knowing he'll be there to share in your joy and accomplishments, as well as be there during a time of crisis. After all, if he doesn't have your back, why date him? Find someone who will be as dedicated to you as you are to him.
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4. He constantly critiques you
Whether he's trying to keep you from "embarrassing yourself" or he thinks he knows what's best, controlling men will find ways to critique you and your life — often under the guise of wanting to help, as explored in research published by the Public Library of Science One Journal.
Maybe he'll make backhanded comments about your weight or have the occasional demand that you change into something "more appropriate". Acts like these show your man is less interested in you and more concerned with bending, breaking, and shaping you to look like the woman he believes he deserves.
Perhaps, he'll merely offer a suggestion, but say it with a slightly contemptuous tone, or teach you a new, "more efficient" way of doing something you've been doing every day for ten years. How you made it this far without him there to tell you is a miracle.
5. He pressures you
Just because he tries to convince you the majority of women are fine with — even turned on by — certain intimate acts, it doesn't mean you're inferior, inadequate, or prudish if you don't want to do them. If you've told him you aren't comfortable doing something, he shouldn't want you to do it. End of story.
Many of us have experienced men playing the "do-it-for-me" card. As long as the request isn't too far outside your comfort zone, sure, you may be willing to try things you're not particularly interested in to please your man.
A review of studies on aggressive behavior in romantic relationships from the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health explains how when a guy wants to extend beyond what you're capable of rationalizing and demands you do them, you need to exit immediately before he forces you to do something that'll give you a dirty, creepy feeling because you only half consented.
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6. He accuses you of being unfaithful
The International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health helps show how false accusations of infidelity are used to control you and loads of women have also reported the phenomenon.
One girl's partner incessantly checked her phone for incriminating text messages. Another demanded she check in with him every thirty minutes if she wanted to go out with her girlfriend. More than a few guys would go ballistic if they spied their ladies talking to another guy.
This red flag behavior is most likely classic projection, as supported by a study in the Journal of Human Affairs. Your guy is hoping you are cheating so he doesn't have to feel guilty, or he's become so obsessed with not getting caught all he can think about is cheating.
If your boyfriend is accusing you of being unfaithful, and you've done nothing to lead him to that conclusion, ten to one odds he's got some confessing to do.
Natasha Burton, Meagan McCrary, and Julie Fishman are writers, relationship experts, and creators of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags. The authors specialize in analyzing dating and relationship red flags and helping women learn to listen to, and follow, their intuitions.