10 Signs You're On A Date With A Highly Narcissistic Man, Even If He Seemed Charming
Narcissists are experts at being charming in the beginning.
pixelfit | Canva He orders for you and you feel special and taken care of. He walks on the outside of the street when you are walking to the restaurant. He oozes chemistry.
He will touch you a lot, or if you are not one for public displays of affection, he will pick up on that quickly and accommodate you. Charming is his middle name. It wouldn't be surprising if he brought you a gift. Sounds a lot like the perfect guy, doesn't it?
I know and that's what makes it scary. So, is there a way to know how to spot a narcissist on the first date without him breaking your heart in the end?
Here are ten signs you're on a date with a highly narcissistic man:
1. He always makes the conversation about him
The narcissist can't help but turn the attention back on himself in the conversation. No matter what you are talking about, he will take the first opportunity to talk about his own experiences.
On a first date, this is charming because he is charismatic and funny. You might feel a little hurt that he isn't curious about you, but you may brush it off because you don't want to hurt his feelings. Be aware, that research from 2010 confirms that a narcissist often comes across as charming at first.
2. He doesn't show real interest in you
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At the end of the night, is there anything that he knows about you? Did you hear stories from childhood to the present time? Did he tell you about trips, pets, and politics? Did he obsess about wine tasting, sports, or cars? If you feel a bit neglected on the first date, don't dismiss it.
3. He's impatient and entitled
Watch to see how he handles delays and interference. If your table isn't ready or the waiter is inattentive, a narcissist has a fit. Complaints and accusations of poor service and poor tipping are all how to spot a narcissist on the first date.
4. He's picky about where you sit
Your date may be very picky about where the restaurant seats you. He will want a table in a predominant spot and certainly not near the kitchen or in a back corner. Narcissists see themselves as special and deserving of admiration and acknowledgment, and they expect special treatment to go along with it.
5. He makes you feel special so he can get something from you
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When a narcissist is interested in something you have and senses you can supply a need of theirs, they will be all about you. They are experts in making you feel special; from ordering for you at the restaurant to watching out for you when you are walking in traffic, they will wow you with attention. It is all about satisfying their hunger for money, control, or intimacy that is motivating their affection for you.
6. He demands your full attention
Narcissists do not do well when they are distracted by someone or something else. He may be sarcastic and tease you about time on your cell phone or the time you spend talking about your day. An expert at kidnapping the conversation, it won't be long before he is talking about himself again. He loves being the center of attention.
7. He's socially savvy
Your date may be charming and sociable to the wait staff and other dining patrons as long as they are giving him attention and excellent service. He may have strong social skills and readily engage others in conversation.
But if you watch and listen, you will see that they are a new audience to hear his stories and laugh at his jokes. Even though it looks like he is reaching out to others, it is all about him.
8. He critiques everything
Listen for a litany of complaints about his life, job, living situation, or anything he talks about. Narcissists find fault continually. Research from Harvard University confirms that complaining is actually bad for your brain.
They go postal over anything they perceive as an inconvenience. He might go through a red light because he thinks it has been red too long and he is tired of the city government controlling his traffic flow. (True story!)
9. He flaunts how much money and time he spends on you
Manic to feel appreciated and annoyed when he feels dismissed, your date may make sure you know how expensive the dinner was and how much trouble he went through to get the reservations or some other veiled complaint about all the trouble he went to... just for you. No matter how grateful you are, though, you never quite feel like he believes it.
10. You have catastrophic chemistry
A classic sign of narcissism is intimate charm and chemistry. According to New Republic's Jeffrey Kluger, "Men who score high in narcissism, impulsive thrill-seeking or exploitativeness — to say nothing of those who score high on all of them, which some do — also tend to exceed other men in several intimate encounters in any given week, month or year."
Good girls are inexplicably drawn to bad boys. The hotter the chemistry is, the faster you should run away. If your date has any one of these tendencies, they may be within the normal range of narcissism, meaning you can handle this challenge with humor and clear boundaries. But if warning signs are sounding off, honor them.
Move slowly and get to know this guy. Vet him as if your very life depends on it, because one day it may. If you are in doubt, move on before you move in.
Bad boys are attractive and exciting. Adding toxic narcissism to the mix can set a trap that a turned-on woman can easily tumble into. Make sure you have a friend or family member you can confide in and be truthful about this guy. Take your time and get to know him before you get overly involved.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Catherine Behan is a highly educated dating coach, freelance writer, and editor. She currently works as a Law of Attraction and Success Coach, where she leverages her expertise in EFT to help people attract abundance into their lives.