5 Controversial Secrets A Therapist Says You Can (And Should) Keep From Your Partner
You can let some of these things go for the sake of your relationship.
max-kegfire, pixelshot | Canva No matter how amazing your relationship is, arguments will ensue and you will disagree on a wide variety of topics — everything from how to raise your kids to whether or not it's appropriate to stay in contact with exes. Some may believe these disagreements mean you shouldn't be together. After all, you'll need to be honest about every single thing that happens, every thought and feeling. And how can you do that without fighting all the time?
To that, therapist Jeff Guenther would say "Hold up!" You do not need to discuss every little thing! In fact, there are some things Guenther insists you should just keep to yourself!
Five controversial secrets a therapist insists you can keep from your partner
1. If an ex pops into your fantasies while being intimate
It can be the most confusing feeling in the world to think about your ex during intimate times. And likely, you're thinking if these thoughts mean anything. Do I really miss my ex? Or was it a fluke? Most importantly, should I tell my partner?
"Those thoughts can stay private and don't automatically mean something," begins Guenther. And if you've thought about an ex during intimate times you might want to keep that hush.
Unless of course, you want to make your partner feel insecure. But if that isn't the aim, then it's best to keep things quiet and forget it even happened. Trust me, your relationship will thank you.
2. You have a fleeting crush
If you have a crush on someone else you might begin to panic. And thoughts like, "I'm the worst partner ever," may cross your mind. But, moments like these aren't likely to end your relationship according to 2024 study.
Guenther explains, "These moments come and go for most people and don't have to be a big deal at all. As long as you're not behaving in a way that you'd be upset if your partner did, then keep it to yourself hot stuff."
3. The mean things you think about during a fight
Have you ever been in a fight and thought about the meanest things to say to your partner? If so, you're not alone.
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When tensions are high it's easy to lose our temper and resort to petty comments to bring the other person down. But in the long run, this will do more harm to your relationship than good. So, keep the comments to yourself for now.
4. Every time they annoy you
People are often told they need to tell their partner everything, especially when it comes to the emotional ups and downs of a relationship as demonstrated in a 2020 study. But, sometimes, it's best to keep certain things hidden. If you find yourself annoyed with your partner, you don't always need to tell them.
Let's face it, your partner is bound to be annoying. So, instead, Guenther suggests, "Try accepting your partner's irritating quirks instead of eliminating them."
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5. If a family member doesn't like them
There is no worse feeling than finding out a family member doesn't like your partner. But, that doesn't mean you have to tell them. Guenther explains, "Families are weird and have complicated feelings and opinions about our partners that don't necessarily need to be revealed."
Most likely, those same family members will eventually come around. So, save your partner the stress and avoid mentioning this topic altogether.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.