The Deep, Emotional Bond Only The Longest-Lasting Couples Possess

Intimacy isn’t restricted to physical contact. It includes bonding of the mind and spirit, too. Chemistry brings two people together, but emotional intimacy keeps them together.

Emotional intimacy is much more profound than physical intimacy because it delves into your loved one’s fears and hopes, reaching the essence of who they are. It is knowing what your partner needs before they even ask — feeling their emotions, needs, and desires as if they were your own.

There is something so simple yet so powerful about knowing your partner this deeply.

Here's the deep, emotional bond only the longest-lasting couples possess:

1. They remain aware

Being consistently aware of your partner is key. Maintain a sense of intimacy by paying attention to how they are behaving on a day-to-day basis. What’s bothering them? What can you do to relieve their worries? Recognize what your partner needs most from you in that moment — is it to be nurtured or left alone?

Make tiny sacrifices that mean the world to them, like cooking their favorite meal after a hard day. A couple that’s in sync vibrates together spiritually, even if the partners are apart physically.

2. They engage in quality conversation

Anyone can communicate, but not everyone can communicate effectively. Hold mindful dialogues with your partner. Complain less and ask more. Ask questions that are important to your partner to help them open up, but don’t make the conversation seem like an interview.

Ask one relevant question, then let them talk as much (or as little) as they want. they may be trying to tell you how something makes them feel but may have trouble conveying it. Listen to their choice of words and their hesitation at certain moments. Such actions reveal their subconscious state of mind, as supported by a 2023 study out of Bielefeld University in Germany.

Consider the caliber of your conversations: Are you speaking enough, and if so, what is the basis of your talks? Are you reaching helpful conclusions together or harmful conclusions against each other?

The right kind of speech offers a new perspective and moves you closer to a resolution. When all else fails, simply ask, “How are you feeling today?” or, “How do you feel about (subject)?”

3. They can see it together

You can develop emotional intimacy with your partner through daily activities like joint visualizations and other exercises, as 2014 research reinforces. With time, this will help you grow closer. Many people use visualization exercises to motivate themselves in the real world.

Chances are you already do this with your partner whenever you plan or envision your future together. Take it one step further.

Hold your partner’s hand and take turns speaking your dreams into existence. You can say things like, “I see us walking into our new home. It’s a brick house with a garden in front,” or whatever it is you both want to achieve.

Make it a nightly or weekly habit. Joint visualizations inspire you to work toward shared goals.

bbernard via Shutterstock

4. They reinforce each other's love

Never underestimate the power of the spoken word to reinforce love. When you tell your partner you love them, mean it, and demonstrate the passion behind your words. This means speaking a full and excited “I love you” instead of a hurried “love ya.”

Reiterate their value in your life. Hold your partner close and experience every inch of their being: smell their hair, feel their back, and hear their heartbeat. Close your eyes and tell them what they mean to you. Compliment and empower them.

Don’t overthink your words. Simply speak from the seat of your soul.

5. They pay attention to body language

Watch your partner’s body language as you speak. Pay attention to their breathing, when they sigh, if they cross their legs, where they hold their hands, etc. Most movements are subconscious, but every single one is for a reason.

When you note small movements, you can decipher your partner’s comfort level and figure out what makes them feel uneasy. In time, you can come to know what your partner is thinking just by watching the way they hold themselves.

@hannahwiththelipstick There’s power in seeing the difference that body language and tone makes in a relationship. A lot of us weren’t taught how to express our emotions in a constructive way. In the beginning of our marriage we were explosive and still struggle with the tendency to use harsh words and loud voices when we get upset or hurt. When we aren’t being explosive we tend to withdraw and deflect. Both can be so hurtful and we have discovered that a big part of learning how to communicate in a healthy way means looking out for each other’s triggers and doing our best to love each other with a gentle, calm tone and keep our body in a posture that communicates openness and a desire to reconcile. When we feel ourselves starting to get heated or feel upset we will often try to take deep breaths and pause because we know that it’s so easy to let hurtful words slip out when emotions are running high. Daniel and I deeply struggle with anger. It’s something we have to give to God daily. We have baggage and trauma we are still working through and many times we find ourselves returning to old pain cycles that seem to be our go to when we feel scared, out of control, or hurt. Knowing our tendencies has been so key. When we feel ourselves sinking into these patterns we now can look at each other and even say out loud “we’re doing it again” and this is in a way our code word phrase that helps us help each other and can often times snap us out of our feelings and back into more constructive communication styles. This takes time and lots of dedication on both sides. Here are a few little things we do to help ease tension when we are having a disagreement or someone is feeling hurt. - We sit side by side instead of facing each other. - We hold hands or at least touch thighs / make some type of contact.- We lower our voices - We do our best to not interrupt each other - We take a short pause to gather ourselves if we are too upset to calm down- We don’t go to bed angry - We don’t withhold affection as punishmentLet me know if you want more content on this specific topic. Love you guys!#marriage #marriageadvice #healthymarriage #healthycommunication #beating50percent ♬ What Was I Made For? [From The Motion Picture "Barbie"] - Billie Eilish

It also helps to make eye contact to magnify your connection. There may be times when you want to avoid looking your partner in the eye, like when they have made you upset. Even in these moments, keep in mind that nothing is as effective at conveying (or betraying) sentiments as eye contact, as backed up in a study from 2021. Words may reach the brain, but a glance trickles down to the soul.

Practice looking your partner in the eye when you address them to heighten the potency of your words.

6. They keep love alive

It’s easy to become emotionally immune to our partner as monotony sets in and boredom strikes. Scientifically speaking, dopamine levels in the brain drop as we get used to a person, as shown in a 2006 study.

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Most couples simply stand by and allow the spark of their relationship to die out or look for it elsewhere, partly because they believe there’s nothing they can do. But with the right actions, both partners can reignite the romantic fire so it burns even more strongly than in the beginning.

Feelings of exhilaration can be rekindled through new and old activities. Push your partner and yourself out of your comfort zones.

Cheek to cheek, they have a deep emotional bond Tint Media via Shutterstock

To start, go back to the beginning and do something you loved to do in the first few months of your relationship. Leave the cell phones at home and communicate throughout the activity.

Then, try something completely new, something you’ve always wanted to try but perhaps haven’t had time. There are no excuses for not doing whatever it takes to keep love alive.

Far surpassing physical intimacy, emotional intimacy fosters durability, harmony, and stability between partners. Use these secrets to establish the foundation for a strong and close relationship.

Dr. Carmen Harrais an intuitive psychologist, relationship expert, bestselling author, radio host, and TV personality. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The New York Post, Elle Magazine, New York Daily News, Vogue, US Weekly, New York Magazine, The Hollywood Reporter, and many more.