9 Ridiculous Things You’d Never Thought You’d Do When You Got Married
Remember when you first met your partner and you always had to look and smell your best? Those days are gone.
vkstudio, Simol | Canva Remember when you were young and you fantasized about meeting “The One”? The one who would always look at you with love and who would baby you when you were sick and be the best parent in the world? And then you meet the real person, not the fantasy. There were probably fireworks and sweaty nights and long lazy mornings followed by sweaty days and more sweaty nights. Then things calmed down, and you fell truly in love. And then that person became your partner. You committed forever, and maybe even had kids.
And then reality kicks in and you think, “What happened to us?” Where once there were fireworks are now phone calls about broken appliances and picking up diapers. But these changes aren’t necessarily bad. Sometimes things change dramatically and you realize how amazingly better your relationship is now, all these years later.
Here are 9 ridiculous things you’d never thought you’d do when you got married:
1. Sniffing a pair of their underwear from the floor on laundry day to determine if they’re clean or dirty
You catch yourself doing this and you think, “What have I become?”
2. Farting or belching in their presence
At first, it’s terrifying. Will they leave you? Will you ever get close again? You watch them out of the corner of your eye, and when they crack up you realize you made the right choice in a partner.
3. Letting them watch the baby come out
You didn’t think you would, but by the time it all happened, you were too tired to even think about it. In the end, you were glad they did so they could report back how gross/beautiful it was.
4. Watching the baby come out
When you were a young person, you never thought you’d want to see something that gory in real life. But when it happened, it was pretty amazing.
5. Refusing to clean up a mess they made that made you angry every time you see it, simply so you can make them do it when they get home
How does one person make such a mess with a single jar of Nutella and a butter knife?
6. Getting so angry that you refuse to sleep next to them … but then you crawl back into bed in the middle of the night because you miss them
You try to sleep and you just can’t. Around one a.m. you admit it to yourself and go sneaking back. You can pretend you’re still mad in the morning.
7. Referring to your partner as 'mom' or 'dad' when talking to your dog
“Yes, Fido, Mommy will be home soon. And aren’t we excited?!”
Photo: Olena Yakobchuk / Shutterstock
8. Listening to your in-laws quote FoxNews (again!) and not screaming or swearing at them
Around here, we consider that a miracle.
9. Leaving a super-fun party to watch TV
They texted you a photo of their feet in bed, the bedroom TV showing the Netflix logo. Sorry, but some of life’s pleasures are just too hard to resist.
Joanna Schroeder is a writer, editor, and media critic. She is co-author of the forthcoming book, Talk To Your Boys: 27 Crucial Conversations To Have With Your Teenage Sons (Workman Publishing), and publishes on Substack. Her bylines include The New York Times, The Boston Globe, Esquire, Redbook, and Vox.