Research Says These 7 Things Need To Be There For True Attraction To Spark
It only takes a few seconds to find out if your attraction is mutual.
Behrouz Sasani | Unsplash Why do we feel an instant attraction to some people and not to others? Research suggests that it takes less than one second from meeting a person to decide how much we like that person and whether we’re attracted to them or not. That may sound like a very short time — and it is — but the important thing here is realizing that it’s about the initial feeling.
When it comes to that instant attraction that many of us can identify with, we usually attribute it to things we are aware of, such as a person's appearance. It’s not unusual for people to have a ”type,” and that’s what determines that first spark of attraction. However, there are many other factors involved simultaneously, which may affect attraction more than just physical appearance. In his book, The Psychology of Human Sexuality, Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller, a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute, presents a compilation of research on attraction and its underlying mechanisms.
Research says these 7 things need to be there for true attraction to spark:
1. Closeness
It’s more likely that we feel attracted to someone closer to us geographically, such as someone who lives in our area or a person we work with. A 2021 study confirmed that closeness, both physical and emotional, is a significant factor in sparking and maintaining true attraction.
Proximity, or the physical distance between individuals, is a well-established predictor of attraction, primarily because it fosters familiarity and repeated exposure to one another. Intimacy, or the sharing of personal thoughts and feelings, is crucial for developing and deepening romantic connections.
2. Similarity
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It’s more likely that we get attracted to someone more similar to us than not. Being similar does not, however, predict the longevity of the relationship or how happy we are together.
3. Physical excitement
When we meet someone we don’t know and are physically aroused (for example, have a higher heart rate as a result of an adrenaline rush), it increases the chances we’ll feel an instant attraction. While initial physical attraction can certainly spark attraction, research emphasizes that it is not the only factor in building a lasting relationship.
Physical excitement can lead to an immediate 'love at first sight' feeling, but this initial spark can be superficial and may not translate into a deeper, more meaningful connection. Emotional and intellectual connections, shared values, and long-term compatibility play a significant role in cultivating a strong and lasting relationship.
4. Mood
We like people who make us feel good. We want other people more when we feel good, even if it wasn’t the other person who made us feel good.
5. Scarcity
When there are fewer potential partners to choose from, we tend to view the ones present as more attractive. Moreover, when these partners appear more difficult to catch, we become more attracted to them.
A 2018 study confirmed that the perception of scarcity or limited availability can enhance attraction, particularly in the early stages of romantic relationships. This phenomenon, referred to as the "scarcity principle," suggests that when something is perceived as less available, it becomes more desirable. However, it's important to note that while this dynamic can be thrilling initially, it can also lead to unhealthy relationship patterns.
6. Looks
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People of all gender identities are more attracted to people they find good-looking. However, the attraction we feel may depend on whether others perceive that person as attractive, as well as the context in which we are (i.e., whether there are other attractive or less attractive people in the same room). A person’s looks tend to be more important at the beginning of a relationship compared to later on in a romantic relationship.
7. Hormones
The attraction we feel is also partly determined by our sense of smell and what is referred to as pheromones. Higher levels of oxytocin and dopamine may also increase the level of attraction.
As you can see, many factors affect whether we feel attracted to someone or not. Why we feel an instant attraction to some people and not others is affected by lots of different things: mood, hormones and neurotransmitters, how alike we are, the shortage of other partners available, looks, physical excitement, and the proximity of geographical closeness.
Leigh Norén is an intimacy therapist and writer. She's been featured in Glamour, The Tab, Babe, The Good Men Project, and more.
