If Your Relationship Brings Out The Worst In You, It’s Probably A Good One, Says Relationship Coach
"Good relationships don't always feel good, but it's not for the same reason that bad relationships don't feel good."
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock In the age of modern dating, there are so many spoken and unspoken rules that can make it difficult to determine if the person you're with is the right person for you.
Many believe that healthy love should only showcase the best parts of yourself, but a relationship coach named Sabrina Bendory explained that while there are some qualities of a relationship that people should never accept, others might actually be better than we think. In fact, Bendory went so far as to say that if your relationship brings out the worst in you, you might be with exactly the right person.
A relationship coach insisted that if your relationship brings out the worst in you, it's probably a good sign.
"Here's the thing no one really tells you about good relationships," Bendory began in her TikTok video. "It's that good relationships don't always feel good, but it's not for the same reason that bad relationships don't feel good."
The relationship coach explained how bad relationships force you to focus on the drama they create, diverting you from your own personal issues.
Bendory explained that bad relationships are mostly always filled with drama and toxic moments. From having to deal with people who are afraid of commitment, are emotionally unavailable, or are simply not compatible with you and have misguided views and/or morals.
Bendory admitted that these bad relationships can feel like an escape from our own lives because of how focused you are on the drama and how hard you work to make things work.
You end up getting so consumed in someone else's drama that it offers you an escape from the problems that may be going on in your own life. It can even become addictive at some point, with Bendory pointing out that, for example, if a guy has a lot of emotional baggage, it's easy to focus on his problems and help him because it feels like a vacation from having to look at the problems that may be happening to you.
Of course, this kind of mentality is incredibly destructive and toxic because you can't pour energy into someone else's cup if yours is already low.
You shouldn't ever have to sacrifice your own well-being to prop someone else up, especially if they would never do the same for you. This qualifies as a bad relationship but can also be applied to other relationships in your life, especially when it comes to family and friends.
A 'good relationship' is when you're on the 'same page' as your significant other.
"You're not awaiting every text because you know he's gonna text ... where you know how he feels. You're not second-guessing," Bendory continued. "Good relationships bring you face-to-face with who you are, and good relationships bring up all that is unloved with you."
Bendory added that sometimes, these good relationships will bring out the best in us because we all have goodness, but sometimes, they bring out the worst.
Nejron | Canva Pro
All of that unresolved trauma, insecurity, and pain can be brought out when you're with someone who cares enough to see it. Bendory explained that the difference between a good relationship and a bad relationship is that a bad relationship is a distraction while a good one isn't.
Good relationships allow room for you to continue growing, and sometimes growth is not always comfortable. But just because it's uncomfortable doesn't mean that it's not right for you, and just because you're being pulled toward something doesn't mean it's right for you, either.
At the end of the day, it's always obvious when you know someone isn't the person for you; you might have buried those thoughts, thinking that they'll change to fit into your life.
But if you have to change someone just so they can fit, then you already have your answer. Good relationships should never be something that drains you and instead, something that's fulfilling and makes you a better person every single day.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.